Beautiful Mistakes
by Spikesslayer8
Summary: Buffy and Spike have been best friends for as long as they both can remember. After one passion filled night together Buffy and Spike find themselves in uncharted waters. Cheating partners, a bottle of Jack Daniels, tight shirts, jeans and entangled limbs
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter one._

_Break me softly._

Buffy Summers had been best friends with William Giles, or as he liked to be called Spike, for as long as she could remember. The two had first met when Buffy was five years old. Spike and his father Rupert Giles had moved in to the house next door to her and her mother.

Joyce had only just finalized her divorce from Buffy's father Hank only weeks before the Giles' had moved in.

Giles wife Jenny had recently passed away after losing a long battle with cancer. He had been devastated by his wife's death and decided that he and William needed a fresh start. They left their home town in England and move to the states, specifically to a small town called Sunnydale.

Giles had applied for a position at the local high school and had been accepted into the position of Sunnydale highs librarian.

Joyce had asked William and Giles over for dinner the first week they had been in the states and the families had bonded instantly.

Buffy and Spike had, from day one been inseparable. Over the years their bond had grown and when the time came for high school to start, when Spike had become Mr. Popularity and Buffy had been labeled the school geek, their friendship had held true. They had still remained the best of friends.

Spike had immediately been accepted into the popular crowd and he had made it clear on day one that no one messed with Buffy. Spike wouldn't stand for it.

Not only had she been best friends with Spike for as long as she could remember but Buffy had also been in love with Spike for as long as she could remember. She wasn't going to let him in on that little secret though. It had started out as a childhood crush but as the years progressed and the older she got, the deeper her feelings grew. By the time she was seventeen, Buffy knew that her love for Spike went beyond any form of crush but of course by then, Spike had every cheerleader in the school hanging off his arm. Buffy knew she would never stand a chance up against girls like that.

Now they were in their second year at U.C Sunnydale. Buffy was studying to be an Art major and Spike was Studying to be an English teacher. After many years of having casual boyfriends Buffy was finally in her first real relationship. Her boyfriend's name was Parker Adams and they had been dating for the past 2 months. It wasn't anything serious, going no further than kissing. Parker had tried to take their relationship to the next level but Buffy just wasn't ready for that yet.

She knew it seemed strange that a nineteen year old college student still be a virgin but she just hadn't found the right guy yet. The one she wanted to share herself with. The only guy Buffy had ever even thought about sleeping with only saw her as a friend. Spike had started dating Drusilla Warner 8 months ago and had finally told Buffy how madly in love with her he was. She was the school Goth and whore, not that Buffy would ever tell Spike that last part.

Spike's love for Dru's had blinded him to her other lovers. People of course would whisper things as the couple walked past but Spike would simply say it was nothing more than ridiculous gossip. Dru loved him. She wouldn't cheat on him, she was his black goddess.

Buffy's shoulders sagged in defeat when Spike brought Dru, often resulting in a half hour rant of what an amazing girlfriend she was. If only he knew the truth.

Buffy walked slowly away from the frat party Parker had invited her to. She had at first declined his invitation, saying she couldn't make it and that she needed to study for an upcoming exam. But when she returned to her apartment that she shared with Spike for the past year to find him and Dru having an intimate dinner for two, she had dumped her books and darted out the door.

After one of the partygoers had opened the front door for her, she had been shocked beyond belief. An eighteen year old freshman was mounting and groping her boyfriend in plain view of the whole party. Buffy's heart rate sped up as she turned, exiting the party before anyone had noticed her. The whole walk home Buffy had prayed, hoping that Dru was gone by the time she arrived. She sighed in relief when she arrived out the front of her apartment building to find Dru's car gone. With a smile up to the sky, Buffy thanked whoever was out there for cutting her a break.

After taking the lift to second the floor, Buffy silently slipped down the hallway and slid her key into the lock. She could hear soft, sad music flowing though the apartment and Buffy knew something had gone wrong with Spike's plans for that evening. She walked through the dining room and found Spike sitting on the lounge room floor, sipping from a half full bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Spike," she whispered, her features softening as he glanced up at her in surprise. He obviously hadn't expected her to be home so early.

"Party no good, luv?" He inquired, brining the bottle to his lips and taking a big swig of Jack.

"Party was great," she replied, her voice laced with sarcasm. Buffy lifted her arms up and pulled her over sized sweater from her body before taking a seat on the floor beside him. "But finding my so called b '**boyfriend**' /b groping another woman in plain sight of everyone was a bit of a turn off," she continued, pulling her hair out of its messy bun. Spike watched as she slipped her thick black rimmed glasses from her face, placing them on the coffee table in front of her and rubbing her eyes.

Buffy reached for the bottle of Jack in Spike's hand and brought it to her mouth, taking a huge gulp of the liquid and making a face as the liquor burned her throat.

"What?" Spike snapped, finally looking up to meet her gaze. He couldn't believe his eyes. Was the woman sitting beside him really his nerdy best friend Buffy Summers.

It might have been the half a bottle of Jack Spike had consumed that finally had opened his eyes to how utterly gorgeous Buffy really was. Her golden locks sat softly around her shoulders, shaping her face. She had removed her oversized jacket and thick black rimmed glasses and was left only wearing a skin tight and low cut red singlet top and a pair of tight black pants.

Spike took a much needed deep breath feeling himself go hard at the sight of her. Her checks where flush from her walk back to the apartment and her lips were red from the wind outside. It was obvious from the look on her face that she was upset but he couldn't help but think how amazing she looked right at this moment.

"Yeah." Buffy scoffed. "Real nice guy. huh?" She brought the bottle of Jack to her lips and took another large swig. "So…" she met his gaze. "I know why I'm drowning my sorrows but what about you? What happened tonight?"

Spike sighed, taking the bottle out of her hands when she offered it to him.

"Dru dumped me,"

"What?" Buffy's eyes widened in surprise.

"I'm as surprised as you, luv. Turns out she's been sleeping with her ex Lindsey. She's back with him now."

Buffy knew Dru's ex Lindsey, she'd met him a few times through a mutual friend, Xander. He was a nice enough guy but not exactly Mr. Monogamy. Dru had been with him for three years when he had left her for her best friend Darla. That was eight months ago. The same time Dru had started dating Spike.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Spike smiled and shrugged.

"I'm sorry too… About Parker, I mean."

"He was a scumbag." Buffy's eyes narrowed. "I always knew it. I guess I just liked the fact that someone thought I was beautiful for once," her eyes were starting to well with tears when Spike cupped her check, meeting her eyes.

"I've always thought you were beautiful, luv."

Buffy felt her heart melt at his words, smiling up at him. She'd never seen him look at her like this before, his eyes staring into her as his hand stroked her cheek. He was moving closer to her and Buffy's heart rate sped up. When his lips came crashing down on her she through the pounding in her ears couldn't get any louder.

Her prayers had finally been answered. Spike had noticed her, seen her as more than just his geeky best friend. Spike Giles was kissing her!

Their kiss became more urgent and forceful, tongues pushing and pulling at each other. Spikes hand slipped to the back of Buffy's neck making her moan. The sound made Spike suddenly break the kiss. Shocked he rose to his feet and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy. I shouldn't have done that," Buffy stood and met his eyes.

"You shouldn't?"

"You're upset a-about Parker and I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that." Buffy let out a laugh, thinking that Spike had been going to say they couldn't because she was his best friend and he didn't feel that way for her.

"Is there something you find amusing, pet?"

"Do you really think for one second that I actually cared for….how would you put it…'that tosser'? That his cheating would leave me damaged and vulnerable?" Buffy walked up to Spike and stood right in front of him.

"Well I …." He didn't know what to say, she was so close, to close. Spike could feel her breath on his face, the heat radiating off of her body and knew that if he didn't put some space between them soon he was going to take her into his room and finish what they had started.

"Buffy I think that we need to…" he started but she quickly cut him off.

"Oh, shut up Spike!" Buffy bunched the front of his shirt in her hand and pulled him down to meet her lips in a forceful kiss. Spike knew he was lost the moment his lips touched hers. He knew how the night was going to end no matter how hard he fought to keep some distance between them. The years of sexual tension that had building between them had snapped and Spike wasn't going to miss his one chance of having Buffy Summers as his,

His hands cupped her bottom and helped her rise up. Her legs automatically wrapped around his waist and he didn't hesitate in making his way down the hall and into his bedroom.

They collapsed on the bed, a tangle of limbs and lips. Spike stood back and slipped off his shirt, watching Buffy slide her way to the top of the bed before slowly crawling like up the bed to meet her. Like a panther stalking it's prey.

His lips crashed down to meet hers again before they went south. Spike sprayed hot kisses down her neck, suckling on a sweet spot behind her ear earning him a few short gasps and moans from the woman beneath him. He slipped his hands under her top and lift it over her head. Spike couldn't help but admire the beauty that lay before him. Buffy wasn't wearing a bra and he watched her perk little breasts rise and fall as she took in gulps of air. She was a goddess. b"H_is golden goddess.__"_/b

Her skin was silky to the touch. It was sun kissed and golden brown, flawless. Her breast were round and firm, nipples perk and begging for attention and he was more than willing to give it. He kissed his way down her neck, down her chest until his mouth reached its goal.

Spike took one rosy bug into his mouth. He nipped and sucked, loving the moans that slipped past her lips, she was so responsive to him. Her nails raked down his bare back as she thrust her hot mound into his jean covered erection.

Buffy pulled at his belt buckle, trying desperately to rid him of his pants. She smiled in triumph as the clasp came loose, swiftly pulling his jeans down his legs before slipping them off completely with aid of her feet and kicking them carelessly to the floor.

Buffy's own pants soon followed and before they knew it they were both completely naked.

Buffy could feel the tip of his cock nudging at her entrance and while she wanted to explore his whole body more than anything, she also wanted him inside her. She eagerly lifted her hips hoping he'd get the message that she wanted him inside.

Spike groaned, kissing his way up from her nipples to meet her lips one last time before he slowly sliding into her.

He groaned at the feel of how tight she was, he'd never felt anything like it, almost like she was chocking him. Buffy could feel herself being stretched and filled like she never had before.

Spike was halfway in when realisation hit. Buffy was a virgin. He was taking away her virginity.

"Oh god. Buffy…I-" he started but she was quick to stop him.

"Please, Spike. D-don't stop… Please," she begged, meeting his lips in a gentle kiss. Buffy sighed in relief when he kissed her back.

"I'm so sorry, pet" he whispered in her ear. Buffy was confused. It was moments later that she realised what he was apologizing for. With one strong thrust he broke her virginal barrier, causing Buffy to cry out in pain as she felt a lone tear slip down her check.

"I'm so sorry, luv. It'll be okay soon. I promise," he whispered lovingly into her ear.

Buffy nodding, leaning into the hand that was wiping the tear from her checks. When the pain started to ease Buffy slowly begun to move under him.

Spike felt her movement and knew that her pain had eased. Glancing down to meet her gaze he started to slowly thrust in and out of her. Buffy let out a moan at the feel of Spike finally being inside of her.

It had never been this good, this intense. Spike felt his eye's roll back at the sensation. There was no other word to describe it other than incredible.

"Oh god, you're so tight." Spike groaned, fuelling a fire that had started to burn inside of Buffy. She raked her nails down his back and gasped as his thrusting became faster.

"Oh god! Feels so good…Don't stop." Buffy could feel her orgasm nearing and rose her hips, meeting Spike thrust for thrust.

"Harder…. Faster," she moaned, Spike groaned feeling Buffy's hand cup his bottom, widening her legs and he slipped in deeper.

Was this really Buffy? His shy, little, nerdy Buffy? Who'd ever thought she'd be so vocal. So responsive.

He wasn't going to last much longer. Buffy felt too good, so tight, so wet and as hot as hell, he was sure she could just about burn him alive. Sweat dripped from his forehead onto her as he started pounding into her with force. He couldn't help but smile when he felt her inner walls flutter around him as her orgasm started to wash over her.

"Spike!"

Buffy gasped out, her walls clamping around him like a vice grip. With a few more thrusts he quickly fell over the edge with her, groaning her name in his release.

Buffy's eyes fluttered open as sunlight streamed through a gap in the curtains. She reached for the other side of the bed and knew immediately that she was alone. She had finally slept with Spike, her best friend and he wasn't there. Gripping the sheet to her naked chest she sat up, running a hand through her tousled hair. Images and flashes of their entwined bodies flooded her mind and Buffy had to shake the images away.

b'You have amazing sex with the person you've been lusting over for years and where is he? Not here.'/b Buffy thought, slipping from the bed. Her clothes were strewn across the floor and Spike's were nowhere to be seen.

"_Not____a good sign,__"_she whispered, pulling on her pants from the night before. Spike entered the room just as she was putting the last of her clothes on.

"Hey," he smiled, handing her a mug of coffee which she eagerly took. Unsure of what to say or do she settled for sipping the warm liquid.

"I thought I'd make us some coffee…" Spike trailed off.

"Thanks."

"Listen…C-can we talk about what happened last night?" Spike asked nervously, taking a seat on his bed. The bed they'd had sex in.

"Sure," she replied joining him. Buffy knew by the sounds of his voice that the conversation wasn't going to end well. Her heart beat sped up and glancing up at his face Buffy felt her eyes start to well with tears. She broke his gaze, not letting him see that he was having an effect on her. She had to be strong.

"I don't even know where to start…. You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I don't want to lose that, but what we did w…."

Buffy couldn't bear to hear him say it. To hear the words b **"****It was a mistake****" **/bcome out of his mouth was going to crush her.

"It was a mistake," she said quickly before he could get another word out.

"You think so too?" Buffy's eyes saddened at the relieved look that washed over his face. She felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces. This was the man she loved and in a way he had used her. Refusing to let him see her upset and not to be humiliated, she put on a brave face.

"Absolutely," she smiled sadly, not letting Spike see the real hurt behind her features,

"Oh thank God. I was so worried that this would end badly and I'd lose you."

"You'll never lose me," Buffy smiled, knowing she wasn't going to be able to keep up the act of best friend before it became to much to bear. Pushing that thought to the back of her mind, she tried to deal with what was happening now.

"We were both hurting…w-we had to much to drink and it happened. But as long as we both know it was a one off thing we'll be fine." Buffy said, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself. She'd had two sips of Jack Daniels, barley enough to warm her blood let alone get her drunk.

"Exactly! I feel so much better, pet."

b _"I'm g__lad one of us does,__" /b_she thought.

"Right….Well I'm heading off. I'm meeting Dru for breakfast." Spike said standing as he slipped his jacket on. Buffy's head shot up at what he'd just said.

"Dru? I thought you guys broke up?"

"She showed up this morning saying it was over between her and Lindsey and that she loved me," he smiled.

"Y…you took her back?" Buffy asked, dumbfounded.

"I love her."

Buffy felt her heart break into pieces again.

"We'll talk more tonight, pet." Spike said, walking out the bedroom door. Buffy waited for the front door to click closed before she allowed the tears to fall. Her whole body shook violently as she curled into a ball on the same bed that she and Spike had made love on. She'd made love to the one man she'd loved completely, heart and soul. She'd made love to the man who loved someone else.


	2. Messy Goodbyes

_Chapter 2._

_Messy goodbyes._

It had been three weeks, three long and agonizing weeks since that night. It had been the most amazing night of Buffy's life. The hard part was figuring out if Spike felt anything towards her. Was making love with him all one big mistake? Was she just another notch on his belt? Or was she just convenient?

Buffy had tried her hardest to act normal around Spike, to pretend that nothing had happened between them, that nothing had changed in their relationship.

But her attempts had been in vain. Something b **had **/bhappened, things b **had** /b changed. It wasn't something Buffy was just going to be able to forget and move past.

She was in love with Spike and a small part of her almost hated him for what had happened.

How could he do that?

He was her best friend. He'd given her the most amazing night of her life, made her think he had felt the same way that she did.

But he didn't. Her dreams of them ever becoming a couple had shattered the moment he had walked out that door.

Buffy had replayed that morning over and over in her head thinking of all the different ways it could have gone. She could have confessed to Spike how in love with him she was. Spike would have confessed to feeling the same and they'd fall back into bed and make love for hours.

It was nothing more than a dream. A foolish dream in which Buffy was reminded of over and over again.

Drusilla had been spending almost every night at their apartment, silently mocking her. She would look at Buffy, stare at her as if she knew what had happened between them. It shook Buffy to the core and only forced her to snap herself out of her fantasy world.

She came home most nights to see Dru and Spike wrapped up in each other's arms, kissing and pronouncing their love for each other. There was only so much of their affections towards each other she could handle and it had become to much.

Buffy needed a break. Not just from Spike but from Sunnydale as well. She'd been talking to her cousin Faith, for weeks about the situation and Faith had suggested on more than one occasion that she should come and stay with her in New York, where Faith attended university. Faith had lost her mother just over a year ago. A drunk driver had failed to stop at a red light and had run head on into her car.. Faith still wasn't coping well.

Buffy unlocked the door to the apartment, silently praying that Dru wasn't inside, she needed to talk to Spike privately. Dru's car hadn't been parked out the front and that was always a good sign. Buffy closed the front door behind her and placed her keys and bag on the kitchen table that sat to her left. She almost jumped out of her skin when Spike came out of the hallway.

"Hey," Buffy said, quickly collecting herself together.

"Hey, luv. I didn't think you were home tonight?"

"Well, I thought I'd spend the night in. I-I haven't seen you much in the last couple of weeks since…" Buffy trailed off. "I thought we could hang out? There's actually something I need to talk to you about."

Buffy suddenly became very nervous.

"I really need to talk to you about something too. B-but you go first," Spike stammered.

"You remember my cousin Faith, the one who lives in New York?" At Spike's nod Buffy continued. "Well her mom passed away a year ago…"

"She was hit by a drunk driver wasn't she?"

"Yeah…." Buffy sighed. "Faith's been having a hard time dealing with everything and she's…. she's asked me to come stay with her for a while."

Spike couldn't breathe. Was this Buffy's way of telling him she was leaving Sunnydale?

No. He was wrong, he must have misheard her. Buffy would never leave him.

"What? Did…did you tell her you have school and friends here?"

"She really needs my help," Buffy sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"You're going aren't you?" Spike's features saddened. "You're going to New York?"

"Yes." Buffy stated simply, not meeting his eyes.

"But… but just for a few weeks right? Then you'll be back?" Spike stammered, hoping, praying that she would say yes.

"I've transferred to New York University. I'm," Buffy met his eyes briefly. "I'm going to live there permanently, with Faith."

"You're leaving me?" Spike said, sounding almost like a wounded lover.

"I'm not leaving you, Spike. I'm leaving Sunnydale." Buffy said trying to sound convincing. "NYU has some really great courses. Courses that UC Sunnydale can't offer me. This could be a really great opportunity for me. I might never get this chance again," she tried to explain.

"Is this about what happened between us?" Spike snapped. Buffy felt her cheeks flush at the mention of their one and only night together. They hadn't spoken a word about that night, not since he'd walked out their front door and into Dru's arms.

"What? No?" Buffy exclaimed, her voice rising in a defensive tone.

"You've have been avoiding me ever since that night…"

"Not everything is about you, Spike! I have other people in my life that I need to think about too. People I care about. People who need me…" Buffy was getting madder and madder by the minute. All the hurt, humiliation and pain of that night was boiling to the surface and threatening to spill out.

"I have a life outside this house you know," she glared. "And Faith asked me to come to New York b **weeks** /b ago. I've been making arrangements for a while now. S-seeing if I could transfer to NYU, looking for a job there, packing…"

"Packing? I haven't seen you packing, luv."

"That's because you're rarely ever here!" Buffy yelled, eyes narrowing. "You're to busy chasing after your precious Dru," she hissed.

"It is about what happened between us? You're angry and jealous that I took Dru back."

"Get over yourself, Spike." Buffy folded her arms across her chest. "It's not like the events of that night were earth shattering. You know what? Yeah, I am a little annoyed. Not because we slept together but because she cheated on you." Buffy raised her arms in frustration. "She treated you like a fool. Dumped you like a piece of rubbish is thrown in a bin and you know what the real kicker is…you took her back." Buffy laughed, meeting Spikes eyes. "She couldn't care less if you lived or died. You're just…. Convenient."

Buffy knew by the look on Spike's face that what she was saying was beyond hurtful but it was time he knew the truth about his precious Drusilla. It was cruel to think it but there was small part of her that wanted to hurt him.

A part of her felt bad for saying such cruel and hurtful words to Spike but the other part was glad she was finally doing it. It was time he realized what Dru really was and how little she actually cared for him.

With a sigh Buffy picked up her bag and keys off of the table.

"I leave tomorrow morning," she whispered, slowly walking past Spike.

"What? I don't underst-…H-how can you just up and leave like this?" Spike whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.

"It's for the best."

"Is that what you think? Telling me lies about Dru. Is that you doing what's best too?"

"You know what," Buffy growled, frustrated. "You're precious Dru has slept with more than half of the school's male population and that's only counting the people since you've been dating her. She's a whore. The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be, William." Buffy spat.

"Well I'd rather be with a whore like her then be sleeping with a geek like you," Spike growled, glaring at Buffy.

Buffy's hand left her side before she could even register what she was doing. She slapped him hard across the face, fighting back the tears the threatened to fall.

"You made that very clear weeks ago," she whispered, hurt. She turned and stormed out the front door.

"Buffy… Buffy, please wait!" Spike yelled, his pleas fell on deaf ears as she slammed the door behind her.

"Oh bullocks," he whispered.

Why had he reacted so badly? What had he done? He'd just pushed his best friend, someone he deeply cared for away.

She'd be back.

Buffy wouldn't stay away from him for that long. They'd get over their fight and make up, be best friends again.

But why did it hurt so much? It shouldn't be hurting like this.

Spike slid onto the couch, eyes wide. He cared for Buffy, she was his best friend and had been for years but a part of him had shattered when she had announced she was leaving. He had a girlfriend. Drusilla was his dark goddess, she wouldn't betray him would she?

Buffy's words flooded his mind.  
_  
_i_ "You're precious Dru has slept with more than half of the school's male population and that's only counting the people since you've been dating her. She's a whore. The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be, William."_ /i

Realizing he'd just lost his best friend, Spike wept, wept like he hadn't cried in years.

It shouldn't be hurting this much.

Why did it hurt so much?

b_ 'You're in love with her you stupid git,'_ /b his mind screamed, furious that he'd been so blind.

"Oh God!"


	3. Surprise Reunion

_Chapter 4_

_Surprise Reunion._

b_***4 Years Later.* **_/b

Buffy had her arms wrapped around herself as she stood at Sunnydale airport, waiting to be picked up. She couldn't believe she was back again so soon, she'd only left two weeks ago.

Her mother had been fighting a brain tumor and had been put into surgery to remove it. Things had been looking up. Joyce had returned to the gallery she owned in town, her hair had even started to grow back. Buffy smiled, her mother had even started dating again.

Buffy hadn't been too surprised when her mother had informed her about her relationship with Giles. They had always been close and according to her mom, they had been dating for a little over a year.

Buffy was happy for her mom. She hadn't dated anyone after her messy divorce from Hank and Buffy believed if anyone deserved to be happy it was her mom.

A lone tear slid down her cheek.

Giles had been there for her mother every day. From the time when Joyce first went in for surgery, to the time where he had moved in with her to help in her recovery. He had been great for her mother but two weeks ago, Joyce had said it was time for Buffy to return to work in New York. Physically she looked fine. She was healthy and she had Giles to look after her, so Buffy had reluctantly left, promising to call everyday to check on her.

And she had.

But everything changed two days ago.

Giles had been the one to call her.

Giles had closed the magic box early, (a shop in town he had brought two years ago) intending on making Joyce a nice romantic dinner. But when he arrived home he knew something was wrong, the house was silent.

Giles found her on the lounge. Joyce had a brain aneurism, a side effect of the surgery, there was nothing anyone could do. She was gone.

Giles had been devastated, his heart shattering seeing the woman he loved laying lifeless and cold on the couch. He was going to ask her to marry him that very night.

Buffy's heart broke at the sound of his voice on the phone, he was barley understandable through the sobs that tore through him. Buffy had packed her bags, quit her job and got on the first flight to Sunnydale.

"You okay?"

Buffy was startled out of her thoughts by Willow's voice.

Willow was her best friend. They'd met on Buffy's first day at NYU and had been inspirable ever since. Over time Buffy had opened up about Spike and Willow in turn had told her about Oz, her ex who she was in love with. She'd found out he'd cheated on her and was surprised when he had packed his bags and left saying he didn't deserve her.

Willow had been devastated, willing to forgive Oz for being unfaithful. But he had been unwilling to forgive himself. Buffy had been left to pick up the pieces and found they leant on each other for support.

"Yeah, I just can't believe this is happening. I…I can't believe she's really gone," Buffy whispered.

"I'm so sorry," Willow replied, placing a supportive hand on Buffy's shoulder.

"I'm so glad you came. I-I don't think I could do this without you," Willow smiled softly.

"Where else would I be? You're my best friend. Wherever you go, I go." Buffy smiled at Willow and gave her a brief hug. She was so lucky to have Willow in her life.

Buffy was brought out from her thoughts at the sound of her name being yelled out across the airport. She glanced up and saw Xander walking towards them.

"Hello salty goodness," Willow whispered in approval, her eyes raking Xander's body.

"Buff, it's so good to see you again. I missed you," he said, sweeping her up into a big bear hug.

"You saw me two weeks ago," Buffy laughed as he put her down. Xander laughed and was frozen as he met Buffy's redheaded friend's eyes.

b_ "__Damn she__'__s beautiful__"_/b

"Xander, this is Willow, my best friend. Willow this is Xander, we grew up together," Buffy smiled as she introduced them, watching as they shook hands.

"Hi," Willow smiled shyly.

"Hey," Xander replied, clearly checking Willow out. Buffy shook her head, laughing softly at the exchange. She knew that Willow and Xander were going to get along with each other the moment Willow had agreed to join her in Sunnydale.

The car ride to Revello Drive was made in silence. Xander had asked Willow out for coffee, right before they pulled into Buffy's street, saying it was best to give Buffy and Giles time alone so they could discuss the funeral arrangements.

Buffy watched Xander drive off and turned her gaze up to the house where she had spent her whole life growing up. The house where her mother had died. The thought brought tears to her eyes. Taking a deep breath to collect herself, she picked up her bags and headed for the front door, smiling brightly when Giles opened it, stepping outside to greet her.

"Oh Buffy," Giles whispered seeing the tears in Buffy's eyes, threatening to spill over. He watched as Buffy dropped her bags and wrapped her arms around him in hug, holding him tight as she cried.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered into his chest.

"As am I," he replied, pulling back to look at her. Buffy's eyes and cheeks were wet with tears and Giles brought a hand up to wipe them away. "Let's get you settled in," he picked up her bags and let her inside.

Buffy surveyed her surroundings; nothing had changed since her last visit two weeks ago.

With her mother gone she had expected it to look different somehow, but it was the same. Only now it was empty without her mom's bubbly presence, she moved into the lounge room to see that the couch had been replaced, her head shot up and met Giles eyes.

"It's in the basement, I couldn't…. I just… couldn't look at it," he stuttered out, she nodded in understanding.

"Hello Buffy."

Buffy's whole body froze when she heard the all to familiar voice. She hadn't seen Spike on her last visit as he had been in England visiting his grandparents. Taking a deep breath she prepared herself, it had been four years. Four whole years since they had last seen each other, turning slowly, her body shaking with nerves as she met his gaze.

"Hello Spike," she whispered.

b _"__Oh god!__"_/b her mind screamed.

He hadn't changed at all, he was still as gorgeous as ever. Buffy had hoped their time apart would help her feelings fade but the moment their eyes met she knew that had not happened. Her heart pounded so hard she could hear it in her ears, she felt flushed all over and her palms were sweating.

Buffy broke their gaze, not being able to look at him.

b_"__Snap out of it girl,__" _/bher inner Buffy yelled, b_"__You__'__re not that geeky, fumbling girl you where four years ago. You__'__re a grown woman.__" _/b

Spike could hardly believe his eyes. This most definitely wasn't the Buffy who had left Sunnydale four years ago. This Buffy was a vision, long golden locks framed her face as it fell in waves past her shoulders and down her back, she was tanned and toned, glasses replaced with contacts and the once boring baggy clothes had been replaced with the latest fashion, tight and low cut tops clinging to her now even smaller frame.

Seeing her now, sad and withdrawn brought back the memories of that night. He had been so cruel and hurtful to her, every part of him wished that he could rewind time and take it all back, to beg her to stay. To be able to hold her close and tell her how much he loved her. He had been such a fool.

Looking back now he knew his feelings for Drusilla had been nothing compared to how he felt for Buffy.

He loved Buffy with his entire being. He was so completely head over heels for her, he just hoped there was some way for him to make Buffy realise how sorry he was for not seeing it sooner.

Spike was unsure of what to say next, his skin was hot, his heart pounding and his cock rock hard. He knew it was wrong, she had flown all the way home to attend her mother's funeral and he was imagining slamming her into the closest wall and pounding into her until she screamed his name out in release.

He was going straight to hell.

"I'll take your bags to your room, Buffy." Giles said, before Buffy had the chance to beg him not to leave her alone with Spike but he was already gone. They both stood there in silence for what felt like hours but in truth, had only been seconds. Finally Spike spoke.

"I'm sorry about your mom…"

"Thanks," Buffy whispered, not meeting his eyes.

"So how…how have you been?"

"I…I've been better," Buffy sighed, meeting his eyes briefly.

"Right," Spike coughed as they fell silent again.

After a few minutes Spike sighed.

"This is ridicules! I mean, we were best friends for fourteen years, we should be able to talk to each other."

"Your right,"

"Okay. So what have you been doing?"

"Um, well I graduated from NYU about a year ago; got my Art degree and I've been working in an art gallery since then. But now that mom's…. Well, I'm thinking of taking over her gallery in town."

Spike stood up straighter at Buffy's remark.

"You're moving back to Sunnydale?" he asked, hopeful.

"Yeah. I don't want to sell the gallery," Buffy's eye's rimmed with tears. "Mom loved it and worked so hard for it…I-I really don't want a stranger running it."

"I think it's a great idea, pet. You're mom would have wanted you to have it."

"Yeah," Buffy smiled, wiping her cheeks. "So what have you been up to?"

"Oh, I um, graduated last year from UC Sunnydale, got my English degree and I've actually been working at Sunnydale high as an English teacher"

"I know the new PE teacher there."

"You do? I haven't met him yet."

"He's arriving tomorrow, I think. He's a friend from New York; I meet him at NYU… Riley. He's a nice guy."

Riley had been dating her cousin Faith for the last three years now and the two were getting married in three months. Spike couldn't help but wonder if this Riley was more than friend but his thoughts were cut short by his father coming back down stairs.

"Would you like some help unpacking Buffy?" Giles asked, walking over to them.

"Oh, no it's fine. I think I can handle it," she smiled, heading for the stairs.

"It was good seeing you Spike. Where are you staying at the moment? Maybe we can catch up later?" Buffy mentally berated herself, she was lying she knew it. She had no desire to play catch up with the man that had broken her heart but she knew that if he told her where he was staying she would have a better chance of avoiding him.

"I'm actually living here at the moment," Buffy's eyes widened. "Dad kind of needed someone around with everything that's happened…." Buffy's shoulders sagged hearing how truly upset Spike was over her mother's death. "I hope that's okay?"

On one hand Buffy felt her world crumble before her, how was she going to avoid him now? On the other hand, she couldn't help but feel comforted at the thought of having Spike back again. He'd known her mother for a long time; surely he'd be respectful and give her space and time to mourn.

"No, that's fine," Buffy smiled, heading up stairs and into her room.

She closed the door behind her, leaning her head back against it sighing. She had hoped she was going to be able to live at her mom's house permanently or at least until Giles got sick of her. Tomorrow, after finalizing the arrangement for Joyce's funeral, she would have to get to work on finding herself an apartment.

For the second time since the news of her mother's death had reached her ears, Buffy let her tears fall. Her body shook with the force of her tears as she cried, hands coming to cover her face.

Her mother was gone.

She didn't remember Spike coming into the room to wrap her in his arms. But she remembered feeling safe and whole.

She felt his tears mix with her own and for the second time since the news of her mother's death had reached her ears, she felt the wall's she'd built around herself crumble down.

Her mother was gone.

Who was going to pick up the pieces?


	4. Saying Goodbye

_Chapter 4_

_Saying Goodbye._

It had been four days since Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale. All the arrangements for Joyce's funeral had been made and she was starting to feel restless. Spike and Giles were constantly asking her how she was and if she needed anything. She found herself growing frustrated every time someone asked her if she was okay, contently acting like she was fragile and would break at any moment. She knew they were only worried about her but she still couldn't seem to contain her annoyance.

She had mentioned to Giles that she was looking for an apartment to rent, desperately needing her own space. Giles had offered to move back into his own house next door. Buffy had quickly told him it wasn't necessary, but Giles had been persistent and insisted that he move back into his own home.

He had been considering moving back ever since Joyce had passed. He simply found it far too difficult to be in the house without her. It only made his pain worse, every part of the house held memories of their time together, being there was a constant reminder of how happy they where and the fact that she was now gone forever was just too much for him to bear..

Giles and Spike had moved back into Giles' place that very same day, and even though Giles had reassured her that this is what he wanted, Buffy couldn't help but feel slightly guilty.

Willow was staying with her but Buffy had seen very little of her as she had been spending a lot of time with Xander lately. Not that she minded, it gave her time and space to herself, just what she wanted.

Buffy stood a few days later, a sad smile on her face, and stared down at her mother's grave. The sun had set an hour ago but she just couldn't tear her eyes off the grave. Joyce was gone, really gone, and Buffy didn't know if she was ever going to fully be able to deal with that fact.

The few weeks prior to Joyce's funeral had been spent packing. Buffy had rushed home to Sunnydale and jumped into organizing everything for her mother's funeral. She'd always found a way to distract herself, there was always something that needed to be done. Something or someone was always there, taking her mind off the fact that her mother was really gone.

But now it was quiet, everything was done and finished. She was alone.

A million thoughts ran through her mind at once. What if she had stayed instead of going back to New York? She knew her mother had told her to go home to New York but now she wondered if she had stayed could she have saved her? Would she have been able to get her to the hospital in time?

Buffy knew it was pointless to think about it; the doctors had already explained that there was nothing anyone could have done. It was very sudden and quick. Joyce would have felt dizzy and maybe slightly nauseated, but there would have been no sign of anything seriously wrong with her Buffy had been reassured that her mother had most likely lost consciousness as it happened but she couldn't stop thinking that maybe, if she had been there, that she could have saved her mother.

Buffy felt fingers entwine with hers, she didn't need to look up to know who it was. She'd known that it was only a matter of time before he came back here looking for her.

"I figured I would find you here." He whispered softly.

Buffy couldn't look at him, she didn't want to. She knew that if she did, she would remember the pain, the rejection and all the nights she spent crying over him.

Now in this moment, Buffy wanted nothing more than be able to pretend they were Buffy and Spike, best friends. She needed to pretend that everything was okay between them.

"I can't seem to leave," Buffy whispered. "I feel like if I walk away… I'll be abandoning her somehow." She tried her best to explain.

"You're not abandoning her, love. She's not there, she's here…" he said turning her to face him, softly touching her forehead. "And here," He whispered, placing his hand just over her heart.

Buffy slowly raised her head, finally allowing herself to meet his eyes for the first time. Blue eyes meet green ones, and Buffy let her tears fall.

Her mother had been gone for a week now and she hadn't allowed herself to cry. Buffy had been trying her hardest to stay strong, refusing to break until she knew all the arrangements were final. But now everything was done, and she couldn't stop the tears that fell.

Spike's heart broke for Buffy. He hated seeing her so hurt, her beautiful eyes so full of pain, tears spilling down her cheeks. He pulled her into a hug and held her close.

"That's it, love. Let it all out. I've got you." Spike whispered and stroked her hair while she cried into his chest. After a few minutes, Buffy slowly pulled back and glanced up at him.

He was so close, and he was looking at her like she was the only person in the world that mattered to him. Ever so slowly, Spike leant forward. Buffy felt her heart jump. She almost started crying again when his lips brushed against hers. It felt real, honest, loving and so right, but she knew it was all fake, just like it had been years ago.

Spike groaned at the feel of Buffy's wet lips finally being on his again but they were only there a moment before she pulled back, looking stunned and almost scared.

"I've got to go," Buffy said, quickly pushing past him.

"Buffy…" he started, but she raised her hand stopping him.

"Don't, okay…. It's just another mistake." She snapped, before almost running from the cemetery.

Spike stood there, stunned and hurt. b _"__It__'__s just another mistake.__"_/b Those words slammed into him, burning him right to the core.

He needed a drink. b_"__A big one.__"_/b He thought, heading out of the cemetery and towards The Bronze.

It had been three days since he had last saw Buffy he had ran into her friends occasionally but from what they told him Buffy was taking some time to herself, thinking it was best to leave her alone to grieve for her mother, he had kept his distance waiting for the right moment to talk to her about what had happened between them at her mother's grave that night.

Spike walked into the Bronze and headed straight for the bar ordering a drink he turned to scan the club he was slightly surprised to see Buffy and her cousin Faith on the dance floor, he thought it best to just stay at the bar, leave her alone to have fun with her friends, she needed it.

Taking his drink he turned, searching The Bronze for a seat. He cast his eyes back at the dance floor and felt a sudden rage boil through him. Buffy surrounded by a group of guys, was dancing and rubbing herself against one in particular. He downed his drink in one large gulp and slammed the empty glass down.

He was halfway over to her, more than ready to drag her off the dance floor and away from the group of males, but was stopped when he saw her walking towards the back door with one of the men trailing after her.

Spike stormed out the back door, determined to find Buffy and talk some sense into her. The door clicked shut behind him as he scanned the ally for her. It didn't take long to notice the young couple going at it against a nearby wall.

The guy was pressed up against her, running his hands all over her body.

b _"__Boy doesn't even know what he__'__s bloody doing.__" _/b Spike thought. He wasn't really surprised, Buffy was clearly out of the guy's league. Walking over to them, he quickly pulled the boy off her.

"Get gone!" He hissed. The guy didn't need to be told twice. Spike pushed him towards the ally entrance and watched as he scurried off.

"God Damn it, Spike!" Buffy spat.

Spike turned, his face coming close to hers as he raged "What the hell was that?" He snapped. "That," Buffy growled. "Was none of your business."

"So this is who you are now? Picking up complete strangers in bars and shagging them against ally walls?" He hissed, enraged.

"I don't have to explain myself to you." Buffy moved to push past him.

Spike grabbed onto her arm and pulled her back, pushing her against the ally wall. Buffy was stunned for a moment; Spike had never been this forceful with her.

She felt a mixture of fear and excitement flood through her, skin going hot with excitement as moisture pooled between her thighs. Her breath was coming out in small, shallow pants, she had never been so turned on in her life. The lust in Spike's eyes was intoxicating.

Buffy didn't have another moment to think before Spike smashed his lips down onto hers, forcing his tongue past her lips.

He moaned at the feel of her tongue massaging his, battling for dominance.

Buffy gasped in shock and pleasure at the feel of his fingers pushing her now wet thong aside and slipping two fingers in with ease. She moaned, arching her back and thrusting her hips into his hand. Buffy felt her whole body go hot andflushed with pleasure. She knew she wasn't going to last long; it had been so long since his hands had been on her and it felt too good.

She knew this was wrong, another mistake and that she should stop, push him away and go home but she was lost. Buffy was too excited and far too turned on to deny him now.

"Is that how you like it?" Spike groaned, she only moaned in response "Is this what you wanted?"

"Oh God," she whispered when she felt his thumb begin to circle her clit, while two of his fingers continued to thrust into her welcoming heat.

"That's it, love. Come for me…let it go. I'll catch you. I'll always catch you." He whispered huskily into her ear, his hot breath on her neck. His fingers were touching her in all the right places. It was too much to handle. Arching her back again, she wailed in release.

Slipping his fingers from her heat, Spike couldn't stop himself from licking his fingers clean. _b_ _"__God she tastes so good.__" bi_ He groaned inwardly, watching as Buffy got her bearings.

She felt like such an idiot. How could she let this happen? She hated that Spike could affect her so much. She felt like she couldn't even control her actions when he was close.

Spike wasn't surprised when Buffy pushed past him.

"Buffy!" He called.

Buffy spun around to face him. "Just stay away from me!" She snapped, turning back around to walk out of the ally and stumbled when she saw who was walking towards her. "Angel?"

"Hey, I thought I heard your voice." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her softly He pulled away when Spike walked over to them.

"Who's this?" Spike asked, clearly annoyed. Buffy turned to face him.

"Um, right, introductions…um …. Spike this is Angel, Angel this is Spike."

"Nice to meet you," Angel smiled.

"Yeah, you too…How do you know each other?" He asked, slightly confused by the kiss he had just seen them share.

"I'm Buffy's boyfriend." Angel smiled as Buffy looked down almost guiltily.

Spike felt his jaw tighten as he watched Angel slip an arm around Buffy and hug her close to his body. Spike said nothing. He only nodded before walking past them, heading out of the ally and straight back to the bar. He definitely needed a drink now.

Buffy sighed when she heard the backdoor to The Bronze open and close. It was clear Spike wasn't happy. She glanced at Angel and stepped out of his arms.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Tell Spike you were my boyfriend."

"Well I…."

"We have an arrangement Angel, not a relationship." Buffy had met Angel at the gallery she had worked at in New York. He was the gallery's lawyer.

One night, while working late together to finalize some art sales, they had slept together. Afterwards Angel had wanted them to be in a relationship but Buffy had explained that she had no desire to be in a relationship. She explained that what had happened between them was purely sexual.

Angel had agreed, after much persuasion and they had continued a sexual relationship, both coming to terms with the fact that it was never going to be anything more than that.

"It's been a year Buffy… I thought maybe if I stuck around, let you have it your way for a while that maybe you'd… I don't know," he sighed. "Change your mind…You know how I feel about you," he whispered.

Buffy couldn't help but feel bad, she had been sleeping with Angel for a year and still, her feelings hadn't changed, she just didn't feel the way he did. She had found after her experience with Spike that it was better to get what you needed and get gone, no strings attached.

Being in a relationship, j opening yourself up to another person, to Buffy that just seemed like an invitation for more pain.

"I know but I…I just don't feel that way for you… I'm sorry," she replied.

He smiled softly. "I had to give it one last shot."

Buffy glanced up at Angel, one eyebrow raised. "One last shot?" She asked confused.

"I'm moving to L.A. That's why I'm here, I had an interview at a law firm called Wolfram and Hart yesterday. I got the job, so I thought I'd drop in and see how you were before I headed back to New York to pack."

"That's great," Buffy smiled. "Congratulations. Well maybe we'll run into each other from time to time?"

"Doubtful, with you living in New York."

"Actually, I'm living here now. I've moved into my Mom's old place. I'm sending for my stuff in a few days, I'm going to take over mom's gallery here in town. I just…I wouldn't feel right having a stranger run it and besides, that was always my plan when I was younger."

"Right…. Before Spike." Buffy met Angel's gaze. She had always been honest with Angel about Spike and what had happened between them, but she was surprised to hear him bring it up.

"I mean, that was him wasn't it?" He asked, pointing to the door where Spike had disappeared.

"Yeah."

"He looked pretty upset when I said I was your boyfriend. He may care for you more then you realize."

"It's doubtful, but thanks." She smiled.

Angel smiled back. He had a feeling he was right about Spike, it was clear by the other man's reaction to the two of them. "You may want to give him a chance Buffy. Don't close yourself off forever because of one bad experience." Angel smiled sadly. "I just want you to be happy…even if it's not with me."

"You're a good man Angel. I know you'll find someone who will love you as much as you love them."

"I hope so," he whispered.

"I know so." She smiled.

"I guess this is goodbye then?" Angel whispered.

"Yeah." Buffy replied, jumping slightly when Angel leant down and kissed her softly on the lips one last time, before stepping past her and walking towards his car.

"You need a ride home before I head to the airport?" He asked, turning to face her.

"That would be great," she smiled, following Angel out of the ally.

Spike walked out if the Bronze a full bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He scanned the alleyway and found no traces of Buffy or Angel and sighed. Hearing laughter coming from the car park he looked up to see Buffy stepping into a black BMW and Angel closing the door for her. He felt his chest tighten, she was going home with Angel. Buffy really didn't give a damn about him.

With a sigh, he opened the bottle of JD and started guzzling.


	5. Drunken confessions

_Chapter 5_

_Drunken confessions._

Buffy almost fell out of bed when she heard someone banging loudly on her front door. Who the hell could it be?

Willow was spending the night at Faith and Riley's new apartment and Angel had dropped her home and left for the airport hours ago. Slipping on her pale blue silk night gown, she headed downstairs and glanced out from one of the small windows on the front door. When she saw Spike standing there swaying slightly, Buffy let out a sigh and quickly opened the door.

"Spike what are you doing here? It's 3 in the morning."

"Where is he?" Spike demanded, stumbling into the house. It was obvious that he'd been drinking and Buffy shook her head angrily as she closed the door behind him.

"So..." he slurred.

"So what?" She asked annoyed.

"Don't play dumb with me, luv. Where is the ponce with the girly name?"

"Angel?"

"Yeah that ponce." Laughing, Buffy, ran a hand through her tousled hair.

"Not that it's any of your business, but he isn't here."

"I saw… I saw you," Spikes eyebrows were drawn together in confusion. "You got into his don't think you can lie to me!" He stuttered, brushing past her to climb the stairs. "Is he up there?" He growled, heading for her room. "I bet you gave it to him good didn't you, Buffy. I bet he loved every second of it," Spike slurred as he headed into her room.

"Isn't that right, peaches?" He yelled, pushing open Buffy's bedroom door only to find the bed empty. Buffy walked into her room, her arms folded across her chest, one eyebrow raised.

"A quickie then was it? Before you set the boy on his way?" He asked, turning around to face her.

"He was never here, Spike." Buffy sighed. "He just gave me a ride home. He's on a plane at the moment back to New York." Buffy was getting slightly angry, Spike was pushing it a little too far, she needed to put an end to this now.

"You're drunk. You should go home and sleep it off before you say something you'll regret in the morning." She crossedher arms over her chest.

"Oh now, come on, luv. Don't be like that, I think this is the perfect time for a little chat."

"Go home, Spike. I mean it."

"Is that what you really want? For me to leave?" Spike smirked as he slowly made his way towards her, pushing her up against her wall, pinning her with his hard body. Buffy felt her body tingle with excitement but when he leant down to kiss her, his breath reeking of bourbon, she was immediately turned off. She pushed Spike away from her , glaring at him angrily.

"Get off me! What has gotten into you?" She snapped. Spike was stunned by her question, Buffy should already know the answer.

"Are you kidding me? YOU!" He yelled pointing at her. "Always bloody you! You drive me bloody crazy. Half the time I don't know if I should kiss you or just kill you." Spike took a deep breath before continuing. "How could you do it, huh? Just leave like that?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked confused.

"That night…. Four years ago," she looked down, realizing what he was talking about. They day she left for New York.

"I told you I was moving to New York, it's not like it was a surprise."

"You didn't even come back for your stuff. I waited for you that night, all bloody night," his voice dropped to a whisper. "I figured you weren't coming back when the two removal guys showed up in the morning to get you stuff."

"It's not like you came chasing after me!"

Spike felt rage boil inside of him"You made bloody well sure I couldn't! No one would tell me where you lived, not even your mom. You changed your mobile number, email address… it's not like I was bloody psychic." He yelled, coming to stand in front of her.

Buffy had never seen him so mad before. Turning away from him, she started to pace the room, finally stopping with her back to him.

"What did you think was going to happen, Spike? We spent three weeks of absolute awkwardness together. If you weren't running out the front door, I was hiding in my room pretending to study just so we didn't… so we didn't have to make uncomfortable small talk." Buffy shook her head at the memories.

"Why do you think that was?" he asked

Spike came to stand in front of her, forcing Buffy to meet his eyes.

"The fact that we slept together," he whispered.

"I think we both said more than enough about this subject."

"Really? Because I don't think we've even begun."

"Can we not do this right now?" Buffy asked, finally looking at him, her eyes begging him to just drop it.

"Buffy, we have to work this out."

"I know, but your drunk, you can barely stand and, personally, I would rather talk about it when your sober and I know for sure that you'll remember the conversation." The last time she had acted on impulse with Spike whilst he was drunk hadn't turned out so great.

Spike slowly nodded, admitting she had a point. He was worried that if he left now, Buffy would find a way to avoid him and their conversation.

Buffy could see Spike's reluctance, and while a massive part of her really wanted to run away and avoid the conversation at all costs, another part of her knew that sooner or later they would have to sit down and have it out once and for all.

"Look, why don't you crash here tonight? We can talk about it in the morning, when you're awake and… sober." Buffy suggested, showing Spike that she wasn't taking the easy way out and that she was indeed going to talk, just like she had promised.

"Okay." Spike smiled, happy with her answer as he staggered over to her bed, slipping the duster from his shoulders and falling face first onto the mattress. Buffy, with a heavy sigh, moved to take off his boots and heard him whisper something softly.

"You know, Buffy… you were my best friend. You were my everything."

Buffy's eyes went wide in shock as she glanced down at his face. Spike had slipped into a deep sleep and, with a kiss to his forehead, she stood.

"I love you," he whispered softly, just loud enough for Buffy to hear.

"I know." Buffy whispered, not sure if Spike was aware of his drunken ramblings.

She wondered if Spike would ever be able to love her as more than just his best friend. She kissed his forehead one last time before stepping out of the room and walking the short distance to her mother's bedroom. Buffy slipped beneath the covers, rolled over and hugged her mother's pillow close to her chest, inhaling her scent. She wished her mother was with her still, she always knew just what to say to make her feel better. It was only minutes before Buffy drifted off into sleep, her mother's scent filling her.

Spike woke to the smell of coffee. Sitting up in bed, he groaned at the feelings in his head and stomach. How much had he had to drink last night? Spike took in his surroundings and realized that he wasn't in his own bed, he was in Buffy's room.

Memories of the night before flooded back and he let out another groan, he had acted like a complete ponce. Spike hoped that Buffy would stick to her word, and that they would finally get the chance to figure out what was going on between them. With a sigh, Spike pushed up from the bed, his head pounding as he made his ways down the stairs and into the kitchen, coming face to face with Buffy.

She was gorgeous, wearing only a white singlet top and pale pink shorts. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and her face flushed red when she caught him staring at her. She wasn't wearing any make-up, Spike smiled, as she brought her hand up to wipe the hair from her eyes. She had never looked so beautiful.

"Morning," she said, placing a cup of water and two aspirin in front of him. Spike accepted them eagerly.

"Morning. Thanks, luv." He smiled, as he quickly swallowed the aspirin.

"How are you feeling?" Buffy asked, taking in his appearance as she took the now empty glass and replaced it with a hot cup of coffee

"Like Hell."

"Yep," she laughed. "Drinking that much will do that to you." She smiled, watching as he sat in a stool at the kitchen counter. It wasn't until Buffy pulled up a chair across from him that he finally spoke again.

"So, you want to tell me about this Angel fella?"

Buffy's smile faltered as she looked up at him. "You're not going to like it."

"I thought as much but I think I'd rather know the truth from you."

Buffy nodded in understanding and started to talk."Angel and I are not in a relationship, we never were…"

Spike met her gaze with a confused and surprised glance. "But then why did he say you were?"

"Because he wishes we were… I meet him a year ago," Buffy explained. "He's a lawyer who works for the same gallery I do… or did in New York… One night while we were working late things happened and we ended up sleeping together."

Spike felt his heart tear at her words.

"Afterwards he wanted a relationship and I didn't…"

"But if that was a year ago…" he started but she quickly stopped him.

"We continued sleeping together up until I came back here," Spike raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his coffee. "He fell in love with me and while he is great guy I just… I didn't feel the same."

Buffy had been sleeping with Angel for over a year. Spike could barely understand it; the Buffy he knew would have never done something like that. She wasn't a no-strings kind of girl.

"I just… I don't understand. You're not that kind of girl, Buffy."

"And what kind of girl would that be?" She asked, slightly annoyed

"A no-strings kind of girl."

"Spike, we haven't talked in four years! You don't know who I am now. Not that it's any of your business but just because my relationship with Angel wasn't based on love, that does not mean that I didn't care for him."

"Do you… care for him?"

"Yes, as a friend. But that doesn't matter now, it's over… I ended it last night."

Spike took a sip of his coffee, smirking into his glass as feelings of relief flooded over him.

"Buffy, what happened that night between us…"

"I don't even know where to start," she sighed, turning away from him as she took a sip from her own glass.

"Then let me… I'm sorry."

She almost spat her drink in his face.

"For the way I acted afterwards, avoiding you." Spike was sure of one thing, he was never sorry for making love to her that night, it wasn't a mistake in his eyes.

"I am too," Buffy whispered. "It's not like I stuck around long enough for us to chat… I really should have just assumed…" she stopped herself. The last thing she wanted to do was admit that she thought that they would immediately be in a relationship after they had slept together.

"Assumed what?" Buffy sighed, glancing at the ground before meeting his gaze.

"What is it that you want, Spike?"

"You," Spike whispered. "To be able to talk to you like we used to. To be near you without one of us running off or yelling at each other…. I lo…"

"I don't trust you," she cut in.

Spike couldn't stand it. He had been about to admit that he was in love with Buffy and she didn't trust him.

Buffy Summers, his best friend of 14 years, not including the four years they had spent apart, the woman he was in love with, didn't trust him. Spike felt his heart breaking, she had hurt him more than he had ever thought possible.

"What?" he whispered.

"I don't trust you. I-I think if we tried to go back to being best friends that I might be able to….I just don't know anymore."

"The let me prove to you that you can."

"What?" Buffy asked, stunned.

"Let me show you that you can trust me. Let's just try again…wipe the slate clean like… like we've just met for the first time and I can earn your trust. You'll see.."

Buffy ran a shaky hand through her hair, taking a deep breath. She knew she had to do this not just for Spike, but for herself too.

She felt that she was partly to blame for what had happened that night, Spike had tried to stop them from sleeping together but she had insisted. Buffy knew she should have been honest about her feelings to begin with and now maybe they would get that chance…A chance to start over, to try again. With a soft smile on her face, she slowly raised her hand.

"Hi, I'm Buffy Summers."

Spike smiled back and eagerly took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips and giving it a kiss."William Giles, but you can call me Spike."

Spike vowed then and there that he would earn Buffy's trust again. Once he had her trust he was going to tell her the truth, what he should have told her four years ago. He was in love with Buffy and while he knew that she may not return his feeling, he knew that he had to tell her the truth no matter what the outcome.


	6. Bright ideas

_Chapter 6._

_Bright ideas._

_Chapter 6._

It had been three months since Buffy and Spike had reached an agreement to start again. To wipe the slate clean and to try and earn each other's trust so that they could re-build their friendship. So far things were going well, they spent their time together watching movies, meeting for lunch at the Espresso pump, hanging out at the Bronze and sometimes just sitting together and talking, catching up on the last four years. Four years without one another.

Willow had hit things off with Xander within days of arriving in Sunnydale and after being offered a position at Sunnydale high as a computer science teacher, she had eagerly accepted. She and Xander had then made their relationship official, she was still living with Buffy, not that she saw her much anyway.

Buffy smiled knowingly at the couple whenever she saw them together and was going to be very surprised if Willow didn't move in with Xander soon.

Faith and Riley had found an apartment nearby, Riley had settled into his teaching position at Sunnydale high and Buffy had offered Faith a job at the gallery, which she had eagerly taken.

Things were finally starting to settle down, or so it seemed.

Spike walked into the gallery, a bounce in his step as he waited to meet Buffy. They had agreed to have lunch together today, like they did most days. Faith had directed him to Buffy's office, saying Buffy was with a client but wouldn't be long.

Looking around the office Buffy hadn't changed a thing, Joyce's favourite paintings still hung in the same spots and the bookshelf was still lined with Joyce's favourite books. Spike wondered if she would ever be able to bring herself to change anything….. He doubted it.

Looking at the table full of scattered papers, he moved forward to get a better look, his brows frowning when he realized what the papers were.

Bills.

Lots of them, many of them final notices. Brows creased in concern, Spike picked up some papers to inspect them closer and didn't hear Buffy come in behind him.

"Spike, what the hell are you doing?" She asked, shocked to see him going through her privet papers. Spike continued to study them more closely.

"Buffy, these numbers don't make any sense. I thought you said the gallery was doing fine?" He turned to face her.

"Spike, these are my privet papers!" She snapped, snatching the papers from his grasp. "How dare you just go through my stuff."

"Oh no you don't, luv. Don't lay this off on me. You left these papers out in plain view, you had to know someone would see them."

"No, I didn't know. No one was going to see them when they're on my private desk… in my very b **private** /b office." Buffy snapped, slamming the papers onto her desk.

"Buffy…" Spike started, forcing her to turn and face him. "I have been coming here every day for the past two months to take you to lunch and everyday Faith leads me in here to wait for you… Coincidently or not Buffy, you wanted me to see these bills 'cause you knew you needed help." Buffy looked up and met his gaze, sighing in defeat.

"Maybe your right." She hadn't done it on purpose but she did need help. Buffy couldn't help but look down. The truth was, the gallery was suffering. Buffy was doing everything she could think of but the fact was, sales had been dropping for some time now.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. I was hoping I could turn things around here but…" she stopped, sighing again.

"Tell me what's been going on. The truth, Buffy."

Sighing in defeat, she took a seat next to him on the couch that lined the office wall.

"Truthfully… I don't know. I mean, mom has been running this gallery successfully for the past fourteen years but now, it's like her regular clients don't trust me… Not that I blame them, it's not like they're only spending small amounts. These are the big spenders, they need to be assured they're dealing with someone who knows what they are doing." She sighed. "Not some 23 years old who they don't know and has only just finished college." Buffy sighed, feeling so beyond defeated.

"Buffy, luv… You don't give yourself enough credit, it's not like this is the first gallery you've worked in. You were very successful in New York, you have your art degree…your mom always bragged that you were first in your class and passed with merits. You basically grew up in this gallery, if you weren't at my place you were here with your mom." Spike said, rubbing her back supportively.

"Try telling them that," she sighed again. "I don't know what to do, Spike. It's bad, really bad… If things don't pick up really soon I may have to choose," she replied, looking up into his eyes, his brows creased in confusion.

"Choose what, luv?"

"Well, either I risk losing the house by taking a loan out on it to try and get the gallery back on its feet or I… I sell the gallery."

Spikes heart broke for her, this gallery was her mother's pride and joy he knew how much Buffy wanted to keep it going and how much it would devastate her if she had to sell it.

"Well, I can't let that happen." Buffy said, raising to her feet as she began to pace. "I'll just have to give the gallery one more month and if it doesn't pick up ill get a loan on the house. I know it's risky but, Spike…. I can't lose this gallery, it's all I have left of her." Buffy whispered, feeling tears spring to her eyes.

"Oh, pet." Spike said, standing and wrapping his arms around her, hugging her to him. "I wish you would have talked to me about this sooner, maybe I could have helped." Buffy pulled back slightly, not stepping out of his arms.

"How would you help, Spike? No offence but you're a high school English teacher and unless you have a secret bank account with thousands of dollars in it, I don't see how you can help." She smiled up at him, her smile fading when she saw his face shift, clearly thinking of something.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"I may not have money to help but I do get good ideas."

Buffy laughed softly, stepping out of his grasp and sitting back down, looking up at him.

"And what great idea would you have to help save this gallery?"

"A tribute." He smiled brightly, taking a seat next to her.

"A what?" Buffy asked, slightly confused.

"A tribute to your mom… Look, everyone in this town loved your mom, she was always there to help anyone who needed her, so your not going to be in short supply of people who want to help out. You go around to some local restaurants, get some donated food and grog, maybe some local art students would donate some popular art pieces and you can make it an event… Contact these regular clients of our moms and tell them it's a tribute to your mom's memory. You could make it so a certain percentage of the proceedings go to research for brain cancer and the rest goes to the gallery."

Buffy met Spikes eyes, absolutely speechless.

"Oh my god! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Well, you have been a little distracted, luv. What with your mom and all."

"Spike, you're a genius!" She all but yelled, standing to her feet. "I'll contact Mr. Wood at the French restaurant in town and see if he'll donate some food and I'll call Devon, to see if the Bronze can help supply some champagne. I know a few well know artists in New York that would probably love to donate some pieces, and I'll call Angel, see if he can get some high rollers to come…" Spike stood at the mention of Angel.

"Angel?"

"Oh yeah, he's living in L.A now, working as a lawyer. I was talking to him on the phone the other day, he has met quite a few wealthy celebrities in his time there."

"Wow, this might just work, I could almost kiss you." Buffy beamed, squeezing his arm affectionately. "I knew there was a reason I loved you." She squealed, bouncing out the door.

Spike took a much need deep breath, i"_I knew there was a reason I loved you__"_/i sighing at the memory of her words. If only she loved him the way he loved her.

Angel was still in contact with Buffy, did that mean they were still sleeping together? No, no. Buffy had said things between them were over but now he was living in L.A… Only 3 hours drive from them.

Taking another deep breath, Spike tried to rid his mind of Angel and the possibilities as he walked out the office door to find a smiling Buffy waiting for him.


	7. In Loving Memory Of Joyce Summers

_Chapter 7_

_In loving memory of Joyce Summers._

Buffy looked around the gallery and couldn't believe how packed it was. People from everywhere had come to pay tribute to her mother, to her memory. She was so thankful towards her friends, they had helped out so much over the past two weeks getting everything together and she was stunned at how many local businesses had helped out too.

Donating food, drinks, art and money to help get the event together. Not one person had turned her away, many of them saying how much they missed Joyce and how she had always been there for them in a time of need.

Now the time had come, everyone was here and it was time to get the event under way. Buffy stood on the stage sidelines and skimmed over the notes in her hands one more time.

It just didn't seem right to read from a card and with a sigh she stuffed the pages in her pocket and took a much needed deep breath, before walking out to stand in front of everyone.

The room fell silent and she smiled nervously.

"Welcome and thank you all so much for taking the time to come tonight to pay tribute to the memory of Joyce Summers… Joyce was excellent at her job, she was a great friend who was willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it. She was a wonderful mother… my mother." she took a deep breath before continuing.

"Very few of you know me," she scanned the crowd. "Many of you have never met me but like my mother, art is my passion. It's my life. I have a bachelors' degree in art from New York university where I graduated first of my class with honours. I worked for a year at Tamarind Art gallery in New York, my former boss Pat is here tonight and more than willing to tell any of you of my success in my year there." Pat stood at the mention of her name, smiling as she raised her hand letting everyone know who she was before sitting again.

"But most importantly my passion for art came from my mother," she let out a smile at the memory. "When I wasn't at home I was here watching, working, learning to do what my mother did best. She had hoped that I would one day take over for her and that day has come much sooner than either of us thought it would." Buffy's eyes welled with tears. "In a completely different way than what we had planned."

"This gallery was my mother's life," she scanned the crowd, willing her tears not to fall. "Her dream and that dream is dying… over the past few months things haven't been going well for the gallery so i've asked you all here for a few reasons. To pay tribute to a great woman, fantastic friend and a wonderful mother. So those who don't know me may have the opportunity to get to know me, and most importantly to raise awareness."

"Most of you probably didn't know that my mother was sick," she let out a sad smile. "She was never one to complain. She…my mother had a brain tumour and while the doctors were able to successfully remove it, weeks later she suffered from an aneurism that claimed her life. That is why tonight, 50% of the profits made here this evening will go towards research for a cure. It won't help to save my mother's life b-but it could very well save someone else's life…" Buffy took a deep breath and scanned the crowd, meeting a few peoples eyes. "So I ask you to dig deep in the loving memory of Joyce Summers."

"I will now hand you over to my auctioneer, who most of you are familiar with as he has been with this gallery for seven years, Andrew."

Buffy spent most of the evening getting to know everyone there, she was pleased with the turn out and a little surprised at the amount of people who were buying the galleries more expensive pieces.

The night had been a success, they had sold every piece of art work donated and others that had been hanging around the gallery walls. Buffy smiled at the number of phone numbers and details she'd been given. Her appointment book was now completely booked out for the next two months.

Things were finally picking up, the gallery was going to make it and it was all thanks to one person… Spike and his bright idea and endless support.

She scanned through the crowd, smiling at her guests as they slowly started to depart. Faith and Andrew where at the entrance, smiling and thanking everyone for coming.

It didn't take Buffy long before she spotted him, standing across the room and smiling brightly. She took a few steps towards him but was cut off by Angel and his date.

"Hey, so things turned out great." he smiled.

"Yeah, they did." she smiled back, giving him a quick hug. "Thank you so much for all your help, I really appreciate it."

He nodded and smiled down at her.

"I didn't get to introduce you before, you've been so busy tonight but this is Cordy, my fiancé?" he smiled.

"Oh my god, you're getting married?"

"I asked her last week."

"That's awesome, congratulations you guys…. See I told you it would happen, I'm a big fan by the way I watch your show religiously."

Cordy blushed, smiling.

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you Buffy, Angel has told me so much about you."

"All good I hope."

"Of course." Angel smiled.

"I was going to ask you, Buffy," Cordy met her gaze. "Do you know the artist of the piece I brought tonight?"

Glancing down at the painting in the actresses hand, Buffy blushed.

"Ah yeah, I do actually."

"Oh fantastic! I just love her work, I saw a few pieces of her's in New York last year and just fell in love," she let out a laugh. "Could you possibly arrange a meeting with her so we can discuses my buying pieces like this one off her regularly?"

"That could be arranged seeing as I'm the artist… that's actually one of my pieces."

"Oh my god! Really?" Buffy nodded, smiling. "Wow! Well I love your work but I'm confused, the painting is signed by Elizabeth."

Buffy let out a laugh.

"My birth name is actually Elizabeth, Buffy is a pet name my mom gave me as a kid and it kinda stuck."

"Well in that case Elizabeth, can we make an appointment to meet next week?"

"I'm actually completely booked out for the next two months but if you promise to call me Buffy, then I'm sure I can meet you one day for lunch." Cordy smiled brightly.

"You got a deal, Buffy." She said extending her hand.

Shaking it eagerly, Buffy led her towards her appointment book, leaving Angel alone. Angel glanced up from where he was standing to see Spike eyeing him off suspiciously, with a smile he headed over to him.

"Spike right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm Angel." He said, extending his hand. Spike only raised an eyebrow in response, making it clear he wasn't going to shake his hand.

"I remember." Spike snapped, Angel took a deep breath before continuing.

"So I hear tonight was your idea."

"It was."

"It was brilliant."

Spike smiled slightly, taken by surprise.

"Thanks. So you and Cordy, huh? I love her show."

"Yeah, we actually went to high school together," Angel let out a laugh. "It's funny 'cause we never really talked to each back then. She was the school geek and I was the jock." Spike frowned, the story sounded slightly familiar. "But I always noticed her, was just to scared to make a move, afraid she would laugh at me, scared of what my mates would say… Then we ran into each other in L.A three months ago and just clicked instantly. She is defiantly not the girl she us to be, I mean look at her, she is drop dead gorgeous."

"And if she was still the geek?" Spike asked, raising his eyebrow.

"I would still marry her in a heartbeat."

"Wait, you guys are getting hitched?"

"Yeah," he smiled, glancing at his fiancé from across the room. "I'm only sorry I didn't ask her out sooner, you know back in high school. I think of all the time we've missed, all the time we could have had together. It seems silly now and I dug the geek look she had going. She was so adorable, long dark hair, glasses, always wearing these jean overalls." Angel laughed at the memory.

"Besides life's to short not to tell the one you love how you feel." Angel said looking at Spike who was looking directly at Buffy.

"You're right about that." Spike sighed.

"So when are you going to ask Buffy out?" Spike looked like a deer caught in head lights.

"W..What? Buffy and I are j.. just friends." Spike stammered.

"Ha, and I'm the Easter bunny."

Spike chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm that obvious?"

"You look at Buffy like I look at Cordy…. A man in love, any fool could see it."

"So what should I do?"

"Tell her, she may surprise you."

Spike smiled, every part of him wanted to tell Buffy how he really felt but he couldn't, not yet. Not until he was sure he at least slightly stood a chance and he knew he had to win her trust back first.

"You know you're not half bad, peaches." Spike smirked, patting him on the back.

"Right back at you, bleach boy." They both laughed, stopping when Buffy and Cordy joined them.

"What's so funny?" Buffy asked with a smile.

"Nothing luv, just guy stuff."

"Well, we should be off." Angel smiled, holding out his hand to Cordy. "It was nice meeting you properly, Spike," he turned towards Buffy. "And congratulations' on a successful night, Buffy."

"Thanks again, Angel." she smiled.

"I'll see you next Friday, Buffy." Cordy smiled as they headed out the front entrance.

Buffy looked around the gallery to finally find it empty, only she and Spike stood in the main foyer now. With a smile she turned to meet his gaze.

"What a night."

"I think you can safely say it was a success." Spike replied.

"And it's all thanks to you."

"I didn't do anything, this was all you, Buffy."

"Are you kidding me? If it wasn't for you this place would probably be up for sale right now, not just because this whole night was your idea but because of all the help you rallied up from some of the local businesses and your support through all this… I owe you."

"Yeah," he smirked. "and how ever will you repay me?" Buffy looked up and smiled seductively.

"How would you like me to repay you?" her voice came out husky and low. She took a step closer to him and pressed her body against his. Spike swallowed the lump in his throat and met her eyes, the look on her face was enough to make him weak at the knees.

He had never seen Buffy like this before, his whole life Buffy had been shy and reserved and now looking at her, how much she had changed in their four years apart she was a goddess, sensual, seductive, one word, and one look could turn him into a bumbling idiot in seconds.

She oozed sexuality and it only made him want her more. Buffy didn't know what she was doing, the night had gone by so quick, she had rushed around the gallery making sure everyone was happy and taken care of and now she just felt like doing something wild.

She felt hot under the skin and the way Spike was staring down at her only made her hotter. He had his head tilted with his trade mark smirk lining his face and was looking down at her like he wanted nothing more than to devourer her.

Every part of her wanted him to.

"Well?" she asked, the word coming out as a mere whisper.

"I can think of a few ways to repay me." He whispered huskily, sliding his hand up her body, past her hips, up her arm and cupping her check. He leant forward, his lips a breath away from touching hers.

Buffy felt like she couldn't breathe, her skin was flushed and if he didn't kiss her soon she was sure she would explode.

"Show me," she whispered.

Spike could feel her hot breath on his face, her warm skin under his hand, he was hard as a rock and just moments away from smashing his lips down onto hers…

"Hey guys we're all fi…" Faith started talking as she walked out of Buffy's office, stopping and looking up just in time to see Buffy jump away from Spike like he had burnt her with his touch.

Spike sighed and glared at Faith, feeling beyond annoyed. bi _"__So close__" _/i/b __he thought bi _"__so bloody close__"__. _/i/b

Buffy didn't know whether she wanted to thank or kill Faith for her interruption.

"Did I interrupt something?" Faith asked, smiling knowingly.

"No not at all, what's up?" Buffy replied quickly, hoping she didn't sound nervous.

"Um…. We're all heading to the Bronze to celebrate, you guys want to come with?"

"That would be great, I could blow off some steam… I-I'll just grab my purse." Buffy smiled, walking past her and disappearing into her office.

bi _"__Blowing off steam was defiantly of the good.__"_/i/b she couldn't help but think.

Faith smiled up at Spike who had a look of frustration and confusion on his face.

"I did interrupt something didn't I?" Faith asked again, Spike simply smiled and took a deep breath before turning and walking out into the cool night, desperately needing to calm down.

"Oh yeah," Faith laughed. "I defiantly interrupted something."

With a sighed, she gathered her things and prepared to lock up the gallery. She wish Buffy and Spike would get the act together, they were clearly into each other and defiantly meant for each other, she just hoped they saw that soon.


	8. Blowing off steam

_Chapter 8_

_Blowing off steam._

Buffy and Spike hadn't said a word to each other since their shared ib **"****moment****"** /b/i at the gallery just hours before hand. Buffy made a bee line straight for the dance floor as soon as she entered the Bronze, dragging a reluctant Willow and a more than eager Faith along with her. Spike had gone the opposite direction and headed straight for the bar.

Buffy was now alone on the dance floor, both Faith and Willow had rejoined their partners back at the table where Spike, also now sat. He was seeing red, seething as Buffy danced and rubbed herself up against some collage jock.

Buffy felt bad for just walking off on Spike, considering what had almost happened between them at the gallery but she felt so hot under the skin after their interaction that she desperately needed to blow off some steam.

So when Cameron, the man she was currently dancing with, had asked her to dance, she had eagerly accepted. She knew it was harmless, just dancing. She had no intention of taking it any further but the look Spike was giving them… well let's just say, if looks could kill poor Cameron would have died some time ago.

"I-is that your boyfriend or something?" he asked, sparing her a glance. Buffy turned in the direction he had indicated and saw Spike sitting with their friends, looking like he was ready to rip Cameron's head off at any moment.

"Or something…" she sighed and turned to meet Cameron's eyes. "Spike is more like a protective big brother," she smiled, cringing at her own choice of words. She knew she was lying, Spike was anything but her big brother. Whilst he was still overly protective of her, she knew it was only because they were best friends, he had always been like that when it came to her and other guys.

Sometimes she wondered if she ever meant more to him but had always dismissed the idea, deciding that if that was the case he would've snatched her up four years ago when they had slept together. It was true that she'd never told him how she felt, thinking that giving him her virginity was clear enough. Spike had known her since she was a young child, he knew that she was waiting for the ib _**"**__**one**__**"**__**. **_/b/i

"If you'll excuse me, Cameron. Thanks for the dance."

"No problem Buffy, anytime. It was nice meeting you." He said, placing a soft but quick kiss on her check making her cheeks flush.

"You too," she smiled, before heading over to her friends.

Once off the dance floor she noticed that Spike was no longer sitting at the table with the others. He was slipping on his duster as he turned and headed for the entrance, not glancing at her once. She ran to catch up with him and grasped his forearm, forcing him to turn and face her.

"Hey, where are you going?" Her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

"Home." he growled making Buffy jump back in shock.

"Spike, come on…. Why? What's wrong?"

"I personally don't enjoy seeing my best friend being man handled!"

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at his outburst, shaking her head.

"We were dancing Spike, nothing more."

"Dancing with is a pretty mild term, pet. Mating with is more accurate."

"You're over dramatizing it. We were dancing together and for your information," her eyes narrowed. "It was made clear at the beginning that it was nothing more than that. We're just two people who enjoy to dance and that's it."

Spike sighed, knowing that what she said was the truth but he couldn't help it.

"Spike, we talked about this." Buffy met his eyes and sighed. "We both agreed that if we were going to try and rebuild our friendship and earn each other's trust again, that I would stop being so quick to snap at you and run off when things got tough and you would cut the over protective crap out!"

He knew she was right, remembering their talk and agreeing to start things over again. They had set up rules to which she had held up her part, finally talking to him and opening up instead of running off every time they got into a tiff.

"I know, I'm sorry, luv. It's just… he had his bloody hands all over you an.." Unsure of how to continue he sighed, not wanting to scare her by saying, i b_"__and I love you. You__'__re my girl and I don__'__t want no other bloke to have his hands on you.__"/b _/i

"You're my best friend, Buffy. I just have to look out for you." he sighed again, feeling like such a coward for not telling her the real reason but determined to win her trust back first.

"Well if you'd gotten up off your stubborn butt and danced with me instead, we wouldn't have this problem now would we?" he looked up, shocked.

"You want me to dance with you? Like you were dancing with him?" he almost groaned at the thought of them dancing like that, pressed up against each other.

"Sure, why not? It's just dancing, right? And as you said," she smiled. "You are my best friend."

He nodded his response with a smile on his face and slipped off his duster, placing it at the table with their friends as they headed onto the dance floor.

They spent the rest of the night dancing, their friends at one time or another all coming to join them. They laughed and drank, celebrating the nights success, everyone having the time of their lives. When the bartender announced that the Bronze was closing in ten minutes they all said their farewells before going their separate ways home.

Spike walked Buffy home and gratefully accepted her offer to stay the night. He'd left his car at the gallery as they had both been drinking and even though neither of them where even close to drunk, they were both most likely over the legal limit to drive.

Buffy insisted that Spike spend the night at her place, saying that Giles needed his rest with everything he had gone through with losing Joyce. Buffy didn't want Spike accidentally waking him up at three in the morning. She had insistence that it would be fine, he could stay in the spare room as Willow was spending the night at Xander's…. again.

After a quick shower, Buffy headed to bed, she could hear the shower down the hall still running and knew that Spike was still getting cleaned up. She pulled the covers back and hopped into bed, letting out a content sigh as her body relaxed under the covers.

She closed her eyes in an attempt to fall asleep but knew sleep would not come easy. Flashes of that night filled her mind, dancing with Spike, the feel of his strong hands on her body as they moved in time with the beat. He'd danced with such passion that even now had her body flushed with heat.

Every movement, every touch, every word he whispered in her ear only fuelled to make her hotter. Buffy felt moisture pool between her thighs and pressed her knees together to try and dull the ache that was rapidly growing.

Eyes closed, she slowly lowered her hand to her breast and moaned at the contact. She pictured Spike sucking one hardened nipple into his mouth and skillfully twirling his tongue around it. She released her breast and let her hand travel lower until a single digit slipped between her moist folds, thankful that she had chosen to wear no underwear to bed.

Buffy was so deep in her fantasy that she didn't hear the shower shut off. She imagined Spike laying on top of her, slowly easing into her tight channel as she used two fingers to slowly pump into herself. Her movements where slow and gentle at first but soon became more forceful and urgent as she desperately sought her release.

Spike wrapped his towel around his waist and walked down the hallway and into the spare room, shutting the door behind him quietly, not wanting to wake Buffy up. He stripped down to nothing and slipped under the covers. It wasn't an odd occurrence for Spike to sleep in the buff, in fact he preferred it.

He stretched out and sighed in content. His day couldn't have gotten any better. The tribute to Joyce had been a success, the gallery was going to be fine and to top the night off he'd spent the rest of it dancing in the arms of the woman he loved.

Spike's eyes had been shut for only a moment before they snapped open at the sound of a muffled groan. Worried that someone was in the house, he quickly but quietly hopped out of bed and wrapped his towel around his naked form and walked into the hall way, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from.

The house was quiet and thinking he must have been hearing things, he turned and made his way back to his room, stopping when the sound came again. His eyebrow raised in question as he stared at Buffy's half closed door and heard the muffled groan again. Spike almost fainted at the sight before him.

There was Buffy, her white silk night gown pulled up over her chest, legs spread, eyes closed, one had rubbing and pinching her soft mounds whilst the other pumped in and out of her wet pussy.

Her face was flushed and her lips full and red. Spike couldn't suppress the groan that escaped him. He knew he should turn away and go back to his room, do anything but stare but try as he might, he just couldn't take his eyes off her.

His cock was rock hard and begging to be touched and although he kept telling himself it was a wrong thing to do, his body betrayed his mind. He lowered his hand to wrap around his erection and started slowly pumping up and down before finding his rhythm with the other hand clutching the door frame to keep him steady.

"Oh god, yes!"

His eyes rolled back into his head at hearing her soft moan, watching as she added a third finger to pump forcefully into herself. His stroked became faster, using the pre-cum that leaked out as a lubricant. He suppressed his moan, imagining he was in there with her, thrusting in and out of her hot, tight quim.

It took all his will power not to walk into the bedroom and simply take her. His eyes were firmly glued on her, he had never seen anything so erotic in his life. Buffy was a goddess with her golden locks spread out around her, her face flushed and lips forming a silent 'O' of pleasure.

"Oh god, yes… fuck me harder!"

Spike almost shot his load right then, never having heard Buffy say such things. But god did she look and sound so sexy. He didn't know how much more of her teasing he could take. He watched her hips lift of the bed and groaned along with her as she wailed out in her climax. He lost control and shot his seed all over the inside of the towel she had given him. He was panting as he braced himself on the wall.

bi_ "T__his girl will be the death of me.__"_/i/b

He spared a glance down and sighed at the mess he'd made, quickly and silently moving from her door and into the bathroom to clean himself up, not hearing the words that slipped past Buffy's lips.

"I love you, Spike." Buffy was so lost in her fantasy that she never noticed that she had an audience. With a content sigh she pulled up her covers and rolled over, a smile on her face as she drifted off to sleep.


	9. Old Friedns & Old Enimies

_Chapter 9_

_Old friends and old enemies._

Armed with two tubs of Buffy's favourite ice cream, Ben and Jerry's cookie dough choc mint fudge and her favourite chick flick, Thelma and Louise, Spike ran his hands through his hair nervously. He glanced one more time at his reflection in his car window to make sure he looked presentable before making his way across the lawn and over to Buffy's house.

He was going to surprise her with a movie night, just the two of them curled up on the couch together watching T.V. Spike smiled as he saw the lights on inside the house; he knew for a fact that she was home alone tonight.

Riley had mentioned that he and Faith had invited Buffy and Willow to spend the night and help decorate their new apartment and were disappointed that Buffy had declined their invitation.

Xander and Riley had been heading out to the Bronze for a few drinks and a game of pool when they asked Spike to join them. He had smiled secretly and said he had other plans, wanting nothing more than to spend the night with his arms wrapped around Buffy.

He knocked on the door and was surprised when it flew open so quickly. There she stood, the object of his thoughts all dressed up as if she was heading out on the town for the night.

"Spike? What are you doing here?" she asked, surprised.

"I got us two tubs of cookie dough choc mint fudge ice cream…" he said, lifting the shopping bag. "And a copy of Thelma and Louise. I thought me, you and that big comfy couch of yours. What do you say?" he smiled brightly making Buffy laugh.

"Oh god, I'd really love to but I have plans."

Spike's heart sank. Where could she possibly be going? All her friends were busy and she was dressed like she was heading out on a date.

"Do you have a date or something?" he asked, swallowing the lump in his throat, dreading the worst

"Or something." Buffy mumbled. "I'm heading out to meet an old friend for coffee at the Expresso pump."

"Oh," he sighed, shoulders dropping. "Well if it's just for coffee I can wait around?"

"Great!" Buffy beamed. "I won't be long an hour, two at the most. I would blow it off but Parker is only in town until tomorrow and I promised him we would catch up." Buffy smiled as she grabbed her jacket and purse, making her way past him.

"WOAH! Parker? As in Parker Abrams?" he asked, spinning to face her.

"Yeah…"

"Buffy, the guy is a scumbag you said it yourself. He cheated on you with practically half of the girls on campus."

"Spike, it's not like that, really. We're just two old friends catching up," she met his eyes. "Trust me, there is nothing more to it." She let out a laugh as she slipped on her jacket. "Get comfy, make some popcorn and put Ben and Jerry on ice. I'll be back before you know it. I promise." she smiled and kissed him softly on the check before heading down the footpath and into the dark, leaving a very worried Spike behind.

b** *1 Hour later* **/b

Buffy couldn't get out of Parker's car quick enough. The evening had been a disaster, she had only been with him an hour but it had seemed a lot longer than that. He had spent the whole hour leering at her chest and dropping not so subtle hints about how he was hoping the evening would end.

She had told him she had to leave as she had an early day at work in the morning, Buffy all but ran up the footpath that lead to her house with an eager Parker hot on her heels. She turned to face him when she reached the door and forced out a smile.

"Well…" she met his eyes. "It's been nice seeing you again Parker."

"W e'll have to do it again soon." he grinned, taking a few steps closer to her.

"T-that might be hard with you living in Boston and all."

"My business brings me through Sunnydale often. I could drop by some time, maybe stay for a night cap?" he winked.

"Excuse me?" Buffy asked as she took a step back.

"Oh come on, Buffy. You know you want it." he smiled, slithering towards her and wrapping one arm around her waist.

"I'm pretty cretin I don't." she hissed, attempting to remove his hand which was now grasping her left bum check. "Parker, let go!" She demanded, earning her a laugh.

"Playing hard to get, huh?"

"Try impossible to get!" she spat before pushing him away. "God, you're so disgusting! I'm not interested okay… You weren't going to get it in college and you're defiantly not going to get it now!" she hissed at him.

"You're a tease you know that, Summers. First you agree to go on a date with me and then you're all over me at the coffee shop and now you're not going to follow through…" Buffy felt her skin go hot all over, rage boiling inside.

"Are you kidding me? It was never a date! I made that clear when I agreed to have coffee with you," she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I said it was only coffee between two old friends and as for throwing myself on you…Are you blind? I couldn't get far enough away from you! Stay the hell away from me, Parker. I mean it!" She all but yelled as she turned to go inside, being stopped by his hand as he grabbed her arm forcefully and spun her around to face him.

"We're not through yet." he growled.

Before she knew what was happening the front door was open and Parker was on his back on the foot path below.

"She said to piss off, so if I were you I'd leave now before I finish the job I started on your face four years ago." Spike hissed, towering over him. Buffy barely suppressed her giggle as she watched Parker scamper to his feet and run off like the weasel he was.

"Are you alright, luv?" Spike asked, turning to face her, his concern written all over his face.

"I'm fine… what were you talking about? The job you started on his face four years ago?" she asked, beyond confused.

"Maybe we should go inside and talk about it, it's a bit of a story." she nodded and followed him inside.

"I'm just going to have a shower and get changed. I need to scrub the sleaze off of me."

Spike laughed at her choice in words before nodding and taking a seat in the lounge room.

"I'll be here." She smiled before heading up stairs to get cleaned up.

Spike sighed, he hadn't told Buffy about what had happened after she left with Parker that day, with Dru or with anything in his life. She hadn't asked and he knew it was because she'd been so preoccupied with everything that had happened with her mom and the gallery. But things had changed. Now it was time to tell her the whole messy truth about his life and everything that had happened in the last four years.

With a heavy sigh and a glance up the stairs he knew it was going to be a long and interesting night.


	10. Four Years Of Spike

_Chapter 10_

_Four years of Spike_

Spike sat on the couch nervously waiting for Buffy who was upstairs showering and changing into her night clothes. He wondered how he would tell her the story of his life for the past four years. Where should he begin? To tell the truth his life for the past four years had been pretty dull, lonely, and sad without her.

He was swiftly jarred from his thoughts when he heard Buffy coming down the stairs. He almost groaned out loud at the sight of her golden wet locks sitting loosely around her shoulders. She wore only a very short dark blue satin nightie. When she sat next to him he had to suppress another groan as he watched her nightie rise up higher on her thighs forcing himself to look anywhere but her tan exposed legs.

"So, are you going to tell me what Parker was talking about?" Straight to the point. That was the Buffy he knew and loved. Sighing he prepared to tell her what had happened that day four years ago.

**********************

"You had left for New York about two weeks beforehand and I was walking to my English Lit. class when I saw Parker and his wanker mates. I was just going to walk straight past them but when I heard him say your name I couldn't help but stop and listen…" Spike took a deep breath before continuing. "He mustn't have noticed me there 'cause he just kept talking about you. Buffy you've got to understand the things he was saying, well let's just say I quickly lost my cool."

"What was he saying?"

"Bragging about how he had bi_**"Popped your cherry"/i/b**_ as he put it, saying how easy you were and how bad you were…" at that being said Buffy felt beyond annoyed.

"Those are lies you know that, I never slept with Parker and he wasn't my first. You, well you know you were." She finished shyly.

"I know that luv and it's complete bollocks about you being bad," Buffy blushed at his admission.

"Anyway I confronted him, called him a liar saying how you would never touch him and he didn't much like that. He said that I was just jealous because I was in love with you and couldn't stand the fact that he got there first."

"Then what happened?"

"I kinda lost it after that, beat the hell out of him. I only meant to hit him once but by the time I was done I couldn't seem to lift my arm. He was taken to hospital and I was arrested."

"Oh my god Spike!" She gasped shocked. She knew he had a quick temper but she never would have thought that someone could ever make him go that far.

"I know I was just so mad seeing him and his idiot mates laughing and talking about you like that… I wanted to kill him. Might of too if Xander hadn't pulled me off him," Buffy felt pride flow through her that he would be so protective over her and defend her honor the way he had.

"What happened after that?"

"Well I guess I scared him pretty bad because he had the charges dropped and left town pretty quickly after that," Buffy laughed softly.

"Sounds like the weasel I know," they laughed together softly before Buffy continued, "You would do all that just to protect my honor?"

"In a heartbeat," he said without hesitation.

"I bet Dru didn't like that," Buffy laughed trying to keep the conversation light while subtly mentioning Drusilla. She had never asked what had happened between them but she always wondered.

Were they still together? Had they broken up? If so when and why? Was she simply out of town for a while? She desperately hoped not. She hoped Dru was no longer a part of his life or his heart.

"Um I wouldn't know we had broken up before that," her head shot up at this.

"What? When? Why?" she blurted out Spike laughed gently.

"The same night you and I had that fight before you left for New York. Why you asked, because you were right about her in every way. Dru was safe and predictable, I knew who she was and what she would do. Being with someone else was scary, unpredictable, it's easy to be with someone when you don't love them; you can't get hurt then," Buffy sat there looking stunned. 'Did he just say he never loved Dru?'

"What? I thought you were madly in love with Drusilla."

"No, I mean at the time I thought I was but I realize now looking back, it couldn't have been love; would of hurt more if it was," he said smiling at Buffy.

"How did she take it?"

"Bad, really bad! She insisted that we belonged together, going on about shutting out the sunshine and joining her in the darkness where I belonged," Buffy couldn't help but laugh at this.

"You know how Dru got. Crazy ramblings, it got a little creepy. She was always hanging around standing outside the apartment, calling my phone, eventually I moved back in with dad just to escape her and it took about six months but she finally got the message. The last I heard she was living in England with that Lindsay fella."

"Wow that's intense."

"Yeah."

"So what about after Dru? Any major heart throbs?" she probed.

"No." He answered simply.

"Well what about any small heart throbs?"

"No, there's been no one, not since that night with you," he whispered looking down when finally admitting this. Buffy was stunned, she must of heard wrong.

"But you and Dru were together for three weeks before I left."

"Yeah but we never slept together in that three weeks," he informed her.

"What? Why?"

"She asked me that same thing, and honestly I don't know, I just couldn't. It felt wrong after being with you."

Buffy felt her heart hammering in her ears, blood rushing through her body at his admission and guilt flood into every corner of her being.

He had been celibate for the past four years, not even sleeping with his at the time girlfriend and she on the other hand had been sleeping with Angel for the past year. True it was over now but she couldn't help but feel like she had in a way cheated on Spike by being with Angel.

"I trust you," she whispered looking him straight in the eyes.

"What?"

"I want you to know I trust you. You have been through so much because of me, protected me even after I had walked out of your life, you're a good man Spike and I trust you. I just hope one day you can forgive me," she finished looking down ashamed.

"For what?"

"Gee I don't know maybe for putting you through all that, for throwing fourteen years of friendship away and just walking out of your life. For saying those nasty things I said to you that night, for not just being honest and open, and I'm so sorry," she whispered letting a lone tear fall.

"If I remember right luv I said a few nasty things myself," he replied wiping the tear away.

"Not like I did, I was wrong and stupid I should have just talked to you. I just hope one day you can trust and forgive me."

"I already do, I've always trusted you Buffy. You made a mistake we both did. We should have handled things better but we're only human. At least we are trying to make things right now, that's what matters luv, I forgive you." She sobbed softly holding him close when he moved in to hug her, sobbing into his chest.

"Spike," She whispered pulling back to look at him. She knew this was it, this was the moment she had been waiting for, she was finally ready, she wasn't scared, it was time to tell him how she truly felt for him. Taking a deep breath she prepared.

"Spike I lov…" She was rudely cut off by the phone ringing. If she had a gun she would have blown it right off the wall.

"Oh god I can't catch a break," she whispered under her breath.

"What luv?" Smiling up at him she replied.

"Nothing, excuse me," she smiled heading for the phone. She was only gone a minute when she walked back into the room looking shocked and upset. Rising to his feet Spike moved over towards her.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"That was Willy down at the bar, it's your dad," she cringed and he knew from the look on her face it was not good. He had been waiting for his dad to hit rock bottom about losing Joyce, and it looked like he finally had.


	11. Hurts to breathe

_Chapter 11_

_Hurts to breathe._

Buffy waited patiently down in the kitchen for Spike to return. They had arrived at Willy's bar to find Giles passed out; when they woke him to take him home he wasn't making a lot of sense, mostly slurring about how much he loved and missed Joyce.

Buffy had felt tears burn her eyes when she saw Giles so broken; seeing him that way had almost broken her. . They had put him in the car where he had promptly passed out once more. Buffy sighed sitting on one of the stools at the kitchen counter, trying to stop herself from pacing; Spike returned breaking her thoughts, slipping off the stool she turned to face him.

"How is he?" she asked clearly concerned.

"Sleeping, finally," he sighed.

"Did he say anything?"

"Nothing that made much sense, he was pretty drunk luv," he smiled.

"Kinda noticed," she smiled. "Could I maybe crash here tonight? I really want to talk to Giles first thing in the morning."

"Sure I'll make up the spare room, come on," he smiled leading her upstairs. Buffy didn't sleep much that night, to concerned about Giles; she couldn't help but feel guilty either. She had been so concerned with what had been happening between herself and Spike that she had forgotten all about how Giles must have been feeling.

To be honest she couldn't even remember the last time she stopped to check in on him and see how he was doing. She felt a new wave of guilt flood through her grasping the tray that held a fresh batch of pancakes and hot tea, taking a deep breath before lightly tapping on his bedroom door.

Buffy smiled when Giles opened the door. He was clearly hung-over and she had never seen him look so run down.

"Buffy please do come in," he smiled as she stepped past him placing the tray on the bed side table before turning to face him.

"Here," she offered passing him two aspirin and some water, he eagerly took them, swallowing them down before placing the now empty glass on the tray and taking a seat on the bed. She sighed pulling up a seat from the dressing table to sit in front of him, she could tell by the look on his face that she was going to have to start this conversation.

"Giles…" she started but was surprised when he quickly cut her off.

"No, Buffy before you say anything please let me apologies for my behavior last night, it was completely unacceptable," he sighed, she shook her head at this.

"It was completely acceptable…" his head shot up in surprise. "Giles you lost the women you loved, the women you were going to ask to marry you; if you didn't lose it at least once there would be something wrong" Giles laughed softly at this.

"Mom would want you to be happy Giles and you're clearly not, you need to talk to someone about how your feeling. I know Spike and I have been distracted lately but we are here if you ever need us," Giles put his head down willing the tears away.

"Buffy, It hurts to talk, it hurts to breathe. Your mother was so important to me, I loved her so much but she's gone, no amount of talking is going to change that."

"True, but maybe it can help ease the pain a little."

"You want to know how I feel? Like a hole has been punched through my chest, I feel the lack of her presence everywhere. A part of me wishes I had listened to myself and kept my distance, maybe then she would still be alive," he almost whispered the last part out, Buffy was beyond confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jenny, your mother, it seems any women who falls in love with me dies, I'm like a poison that creeps into their core, spreading, consuming, killing, this cancer…." He whispered finally allowing the tears to fall. Buffy moved forward wrapping her arms around him.

"This is not your fault, mom had a brain tumor, Jenny ovarian cancer. Two completely different types of cancer and neither of them your fault, sometimes bad things happen to good people but it's never anyone's fault. You can't blame yourself for this, mom wouldn't want it and neither would Jenny," she whispered in his ear before pulling back to look at him.

"I know you're right Buffy, it's just…." He sighed, "I miss her so much, so much it's almost killing me." A tear escaped her seeing the love and devotion in his eyes. It gave her a feeling of relief and warmth to know her mother was so loved and looked after while she was gone.

"I know, I miss her too but we have to do what she would want us to do, live, be happy," she took a deep breath unsure if she should mention this but desperately wanting too.

"Spike told me that Anya from the Magic Box asked you out to dinner yesterday," she said cautiously before sitting back down seeing Giles sigh.

"Yes but I declined, I'm just not ready to start dating yet, not sure if I ever will be," Buffy smiled glad he wasn't upset with her.

"Well just so you know when you are ready, mom would want you to fall in love again," she smiled standing up and moving towards the door.

"She's very pretty," Giles turned to look at her slightly confused, "Anya," Giles smiled understanding.

"She's young," he replied Buffy smiled at this.

"Maybe but she's old in experience," Buffy laughed softly remembering the few chats she had, had with the very bold and straight forward shop assistant Anya who was also hoping to become part owner of the shop too. Closing the door she moved down the stairs to a waiting Spike, Giles had a road ahead of him but she knew he would be okay given time.


	12. We welcome you to Faith & Riley's weddin

_Chapter 12._

_We invite you to Faith and Riley's wedding._

Buffy looked around the convention room Faith and Riley had hired out for their wedding reception. The wedding had been beautiful on the beach, late afternoon just as the sun was going down. The wedding ceremony, in itself, was a private ceremony where Riley and Faith had said their vows in front of family and friends.

Buffy was Faith's maid of honor, with Willow and their cousin Tara as her bridesmaids. Riley had no family, his father Adam had left when he was only a child and his mother Maggie had passed away three years ago in a freak lab accident.

Riley had been an only child and had no other siblings that he knew of, so after spending time with all the guys he had asked Spike to be his best man and Xander and Giles to be his groomsmen.

Now Buffy watched as they shared their first dance as a married couple. She had never seen Faith this happy and to be honest, she had never though Faith would ever settle down. Faith had always been a bit of a wild child and after Faith's father had abandoned her and her mother when she was just seven for another women Faith had lived by a strict rule to never let anyone get to close.

She had stuck by that rule until she met Riley. He was meant to be simply another one night stand, but when she had given him the brush off the next morning he had stood his ground and after a few weeks of being around, his persistence had paid off. Faith admitted that she wanted to be with him and they hadn't looked back since.

They were both there for each other when each had lost their mother. Buffy had worried that all the hurt and loss might tear them apart but it only made their love stronger.

"May I have this dance?" she heard Spike whisper in her ear, she couldn't help but shiver at the feel of his hot breath on her neck. She turned smiling up at him as he led her to the dance floor, now that the first dance was over the dance floor was packed with happy couples dancing lovingly in each other's arms. Buffy and Spike joined the couples wrapping their arms around one another, dancing slowly.

_iYesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight  
The future's open wide beyond believing  
To know why hope dies  
Losing what was found, a world so hollow  
Suspended in a compromise  
The silence of this sound is soon to follow  
Somehow sundown/i_

Buffy laid her head against Spike's chest listening to the soft thump thump of his heart, loving the feel of his arms around her body, holding her close. It was moments like this that made it easy to forget what they had put each other through, the pain, the betrayal on both parts, but still Buffy loved him, wanting nothing more than to be with him, bi_**if only**_/i/b she thought bi_**if only he felt the same way for her too.**_/i/b

_iAnd finding answers  
Is forgetting all of the questions we called home  
Passing the graves of the unknown/i_

Spike inhaled deeply, he had missed that smell in their four years apart, vanilla he had decided then and there that it was the best smell in the world. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head; he wished this was their wedding, that they were enjoying the first dance as a married couple tonight. He was jealous of Faith and Riley, they were where he wanted to be, if only Buffy would love him bi_**if only**_/i/b he thought sadly.

_iAs reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading  
Illusions of the sunlight  
And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting  
Love gone for so long/i_

They had gone through so much together, been so close for so long, Buffy had missed him so much after she left. Every part of her wanted to pick up the phone and call him but every time she went to dial the number her heat would pound in her ears, her palms would sweet and she would hang up _**biCoward/i!/b **_her mind would yell at her.

_iThis day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know  
Knowing that faith is all I hold/i_

Buffy looked up at his perfect blue eyes, she loved him so much and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to kiss him.__

iAnd I've lost who I am  
And I can't understand  
Why my heart is so broken  
Rejecting your love  
Without love gone wrong  
Life  
Less words  
Carry on/i

She held back afraid to lose him, placing her head back over his heart they continued to dance. Spike couldn't be sure but when Buffy had looked at him he had seen something different in her eyes, the same thing he saw that night they made love.

_iBut I know  
All I know  
Is that the ends beginning/i_

Could it be that she felt something for him, anything other than pure friendship or was he just dreaming? He really hoped not because when he had looked into her green pools he had seen truth, love and now more than anything he wanted to do something about it.

_iWho I am from the start  
Take me home to my heart  
Let me go  
And I will run  
I will not be silenced/i_

Should he just kiss her? Hold her? Or just pretend that moment hadn't happened? Convince himself that what he saw in her eyes was simply the affection one friend had for another? He was so confused but most of all he was scared.

_iAll this time spent in vain  
Wasted years  
Wasted gain  
All is lost  
Hope remains  
And this war's not over/i_

Scared he could ruin what they had spent months building a loyal and loving friendship. Afraid of finding out she didn't actually love him the way he loved her, but most of all he was scared she would run from his arms, his life, and leave him feeling hollow and alone without her once again.

_iThere's a light  
There's the sun  
Taking all the shattered ones  
To the place we belong  
And his love will conquer/i_

He knew he had to do something, they couldn't keep going on like this. One day she would meet someone she would want to get married and he couldn't let that happen. not unless it was to him. He loved her to much too powerfully to lose her to someone else.

_iAnd I've lost who I am  
And I can't understand  
Why my heart is so broken  
Rejecting your love  
Without love gone wrong  
Life  
Less words  
Carry on/i_

Buffy couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, she had been looking at him for a second now and she could see the inner conflict on his face.

_iBut I know  
All I know  
Is that the ends beginning/i_

Spike knew this was it; he had made his decision, he was going to finally tell Buffy Summers exactly how he felt for her, kiss her. Would she push him away? Laugh at his words? Or would she tell him she loved him too? God how he hoped it was the last one.

_iWho I am from the start  
Take me home to my heart  
Let me go  
And I will run  
I will not be silenced/i_

Taking a much needed deep breath Spike prepared himself for what was to come no matter how this panned out, he knew he was doing the right thing.

"Buffy luv… I need to tell you something" he said looking into her eyes, she smiled sweetly at him.

"What is it Spike?"

_iAll this time spent in vain  
Wasted years  
Wasted gain  
All is lost  
Hope remains  
And this war's not over/i_

Spike was stuck, he was about to profess his love for her when the words seemed to get caught in his throat his mouth opened and closed but still the word refused to come out so instead he slowly leaned in and kissed her.

_iThere's a light  
There's the sun  
Taking all the shattered ones  
To the place we belong  
And his love will conquer all  
Yes his love will conquer all/i_

Their kiss was soft and gentle, much like the song they were still swaying too. His left hand ran through her golden locks and his right wrapped around her waist pulling her against him. He felt her arms wrap around his neck as she moaned into his mouth when their tongues brushed against each other.

Spike put everything he felt for her into the one single kiss, hoping she would understand what he was trying to tell her but suddenly she pulled away from him gasping for air. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were red from their kiss. She brought her hand to her mouth almost in shock before she turned fleeing the convention room.

_iYesterday I died, tomorrows bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight/i_

He sighed almost defeated when he felt courage flow through him _**ibNo not this time/i/b **_he thought as he chased after her. He burst out the door seeing her heading for her car, he caught up with her just as she was reaching for the door handle.

"Buffy we have to talk?" he said turning her to face him.

"About what?" she whispered looking down at the keys in her hand.

"Come on luv, don't play daft, you're not good at it." She smiled at this looking into his eyes.

"What do you want me to say Spike?"

"Did that kiss in there mean anything to you?" She looked scared like a deer in headlights and he knew then that she was just as scared as he was.

"Because it meant everything to me Summers… You're all I bloody think about; dream about. You're in my gut; my throat, I'm drownin' in you Buffy, I'm drownin' in you," he confessed, she look shocked but at the same time relieved.

"It meant everything to me too, not just the kiss but when you were holding me, dancing with me, I felt…" she whispered unsure of how to continue.

"Were you there with me?" he asked stunned.

"I was," he smiled, overjoyed and thankful that he had finally built up the courage to say something. He leaned down to kiss her, pressing his lips on hers gently; they only kissed for a moment nether moving to deepen it just simple, enjoying the feel of one another; pulling back he couldn't help but notice how adorable she looked as she looked over at him shyly blushing.

That was the Buffy he remembered, the girl he had grown up with.

"Have dinner with me tomorrow night," her head shot up at this, "So we can really talk about us properly," she smiled wickedly, leaning into him.

"William Giles are you asking me out on a date?" she smiled up at him innocently.

And this was the Buffy that had come back to Sunnydale, how he loved them both.

"I am. There is a little French restaurant near the Bronze, its Sunnydale's best kept secret"

"Okay where will I meet you?"

"It's a date, luv, I'll pick you up at 7pm."

"Okay," she nodded. After Buffy had returned to the reception she had quickly said good bye to Faith and Riley wanting to head home. After a hot shower she hopped into bed sighing happier, she had a date tomorrow night with the man she loved.

Life was perfect.


	13. Just kiss me

_Chapter 13_

_Just kiss me._

Buffy jumped back, squealing in shock at the brown liquid that was meant to be water that spurted from her shower head. She glanced down at her once clean white shirt and let out a groan, it was now covered in brown gunk. Quickly turning off the tap, she sighed. Her date with Spike was in less than three hours and she hadn't even showered yet. Running from the bathroom, she moved into her mother's old bedroom and grabbed Joyce's black book from her bed side table.

She knew this is where her mom had kept all the numbers for the repair guys she had used in town. It didn't take her long to find the number for the local plumber, she quickly picked up the phone and dialed.

b**20 minutes later**b

"What do you mean tomorrow? I need that shower fixed now!" Buffy sighed at Pete the plumber.

"I'm sorry, Buffy but the part I need I can only get from one store in town and it's closed now for sure." he explained to her, sighing again she gave in.

"That's okay Pete, I understand." he nodded, thankful she understood. "I'll be by in the morning Buffy, to fix the piping I promise." She smiled as he left the bathroom. She walked him to the front door and waved goodbye as he got in his car and left.

Leaning against the doorframe, Buffy couldn't help but panick. Spike would be at her house in just over two hours for their first real date and she smelled like the local tip. She let out a groan and was about to give up when she noticed Giles car sitting idle in his drive way.

Her eyes widened with an idea as she quickly ran up the stairs to grab her toiletries and clothes, before heading over to his place. Just as she reached his front door, Giles came walking out.

"Oh Buffy, I wasn't expecting you." he said, slightly surprised to see her. "I thought you and William had dinner plans?"

"We do, that's kinda why I'm here. The pipes in the bathroom are clogged or something and Pete can't get the part he needs to fix it until tomorrow," She was panting from her run over. "So I was wondering if I could use your shower?"

"Of course. Make yourself at home, here's the spare key." he replied, passing her the small silver key. "Just lock up on your way out."

"Thanks Giles." she smiled.

"Buffy, I'm just wondering… this dinner tonight is it… a date?" he asked, slightly cautious. Buffy smiled a blush creeping its way up her cheeks.

"Actually yeah it is." she replied, meeting his eyes.

"Well that's wonderful. Your mother would be so thrilled." she looked at him slightly shocked.

"Mom?"

"Oh yes, she always hoped that you and William would be a couple." Giles let out a laugh before continuing. "She always thought you two kids would one day get married." Buffy smiled softy, her mom had wanted her and Spike to be a couple? She had never said anything to Buffy.

"Well I best be off."

"Thanks again Giles." she replied as he nodded his reply and made his way to his car as Buffy went into the house.

Spike was in a hurry, he was meant to be going to a staff meeting and was halfway there when he had been informed by another professor that the meeting had been canceled. He was thrilled, glad for the extra minuets he had to spare. He had planned to shower and change in the university gym but now he had time to go home and get ready before picking up Buffy for their date.

He was excited, a part of him felt like a teenager again, nervous and a little goofy but in a good way. He was going on a date with Buffy Summers, his best friend and the love of his life, he would finally get the chance to show her how much she meant to him and how much he wanted to be with her… forever. With a smiled on his face he entered the house and made his way up the stairs to the bathroom.

Buffy let out a content sigh as the water warmed her skin. After a few minutes she turned the tap and squeezed her hair out, making sure she got out all the water before letting it drop down. Wet strands stuck to her shoulders and back as she stepped out of the shower and moved over to the sink where her towel was. Just as her hands touched the fabric of her towel, the bathroom door swung open and Spike walked in.

Buffy stood shocked, knowing that she should yell at him to get out but no words would seem to pass her lips.

Spike stared at the beauty before him, he was beyond shocked to see her standing in his bathroom wet and naked but at the same time he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was just as he remembered, blonde locks fell around her shoulders, golden sun kissed skin, perfect soft mounds, flat and taunt stomach and her cleanly shaved mound.

He knew he should leave and give her privacy, apologise for the intrusion or even just stop looking but he couldn't seem to break his trance. With wide eyes, Buffy quickly grabbed her towel and started yelling at him.

"Damn it Spike don't you knock!"

"Well in all fairness luv, this is my bathroom. How was I to know you would be in here...naked." He tried to stop his eyes from roaming her body but couldn't seem to stop.

"Just get out!" She yelled, eyes wide as she pointed at the door. Not saying a word, he quickly turned and shut the door behind him, leaning against it he tried to collect himself.

More than anything he wanted to go back into that bathroom, rip the towel from her body and make love to her but that was wrong. He couldn't possibly do that, she would never let him.

Would she?

No, no she wouldn't. Trying to get his breathing under control, he took deep steady breathes; his heart was hammering in his cheat, hands were shaking and his cock was rock hard. The image of her wet and naked in his bathroom popped into his head and all logic and reason flew out the window.

bi_**Screw it!**_/i/b he thought as he threw the bathroom door open. Buffy gasped in surprise when he walked back in, her hands just fixing the towel around her body. He moved across the bathroom in a few large steps, grabed the back of her head and smashed his lips onto her's.

Their kiss was passionate and demanding as he pushed her back into the bathroom counter, his hands cupping her checks, moaning as their tongues brushed against each other. Breaking away for air, Spike leaned his forehead onto hers.

"Buffy," he whispered unsure of what to do or say next, not wanting to push her any further then she wanted to go. Buffy placed a finger over his lips ssshhhing him, tugging at her towel softly and letting it pool to the floor.

Spike stepped back slightly to admire her naked form once more, he couldn't believe it. Buffy was naked in front of him again, not by accident but because she wanted to be.

Looking into his eyes she spoke softly but confidently.

"Just kiss me." she smiled bringing her lips to his in a gentle and loving kiss.


	14. Moments in time

_Chapter 14_

_Moments in time. _

"**Buffy****,****" he whispered****,**** unsure of what to do or say next, not wanting to push her any further than she wanted to go****.**** Buffy placed a finger over his lips, tugging at her towel softly and letting it fall to the floor.**

**Spike stepped back slightly to admire her naked form once more****.**** He couldn't believe it; Buffy was naked in front of him again, not by accident but because she wanted to be****.**** Looking into his eyes she spoke softly but confidently. **

"**Just kiss me." She smiled, bringing her lips to his in a gentle and loving kiss.**

Their kiss soon turned demanding as he pushed her naked form up against the bathroom sink, hands everywhere. She soon lost patience with his shirt buttons and settled for ripping it open. The distant sounds of his buttons flying around the bathroom could be heard as she moaned into his mouth.

Running her hands up and down his perfectly sculpted chest, she couldn't help but smile with womanly pride as she heard him moan at the feel of her nails running across his nipples Pushing the shirt off his shoulders, she let it fall to the floor without a second thought.

She felt his hands move around, cupping her bum before lifting her into the air effortlessly. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her from the bathroom into his bedroom, never breaking their kiss. Dropping down on the bed with her he finally pulled away for air. Looking into her eyes, he could see so many things: arousal, lust, and some fear.

"Buffy, please tell me to stop," he whispered huskily, almost begging her to make him stop. He was so scared; scared of losing her again, of taking things too far and forcing her to run from him - but he knew it was too late. He couldn't stop now, not unless she asked him to.

"What?" she asked, confused and breathless.

"If you don't want this, if you want to stop, we can. We can get dressed and pretend this never happened and just go back to being friends. But if not, if we cross this line, that's it Buffy. It will change things between us forever and there will be no turning back, not this time." Part of him wanted her to make this stop, and was scared of losing her, having her run from everything. They had spent months building a loyal and trustworthy friendship. But on the other hand, he felt like if she made him stop he would go stark-raving mad.

Buffy knew she should put a stop to this, she knew it would only cause them pain, that when she woke up he would be gone and she would end up with a half-assed excuse as to why they couldn't be together. But she also knew it was too late; she needed him, wanted him, loved him even if he didn't love her the same way. She had to have him.

"Don't stop. Please, don't stop," she begged, pulling his head down into another passionate kiss. If she was going to lose him in the morning she fully intended to make this last, to explore every inch of him and print it to memory. Flipping them over so she was now on top, Spike gasped in surprise; he never knew she could be so forceful.

She smiled wickedly, sliding down his body, nibbling on his nipples and leaving hot kisses in her wake before reaching his pants. Slipping off his shoes, she tossed them to the floor with his socks. Undoing his belt buckle, she zipped down his pants, only slightly surprised when his erection sprung free.

"_**Commando**__**,**__**"**_ she mentally noted, remembering their one and only other time together. He hadn't worn underwear then, either.

Buffy's mouth watered at the sight of his cock jumping under her gaze. She just had to taste him.

He was still as huge as she remembered. Slipping his pants off and throwing them to the floor, Buffy smiled up at him, her green eyes sparkling with mischief and giving him no warning before taking his hardened cock into her mouth.

"Oh God," he groaned out; her mouth was so hot, Spike felt like he was on fire. He glanced down and almost came at the sight. She was sucking her cheeks in and Spike was positive this was one of the best blow jobs he'd ever had. He watched as she sucked him up and down, bringing her hand into play as she cupped his balls, massaging them softly and making him moan in approval.

Taking him deep into her throat and swallowing around his head was almost his undoing. Spike let out a strangled moan at the feel of her taking him in so deep. He glanced down and felt his eyes roll back at the sight before him. Spike felt like he was going to cum at any second.

Spike threaded his fingers through her golden locks, looking down at the goddess between his legs. He let out another moan, seeing her green eyes looking up at him, watching his cock slipping in and out of her hot little mouth. When he felt her start to play with his balls again, squeezing them and sucking them he knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

"Oh God, luv…If you keep that up I'm going to cum right in your mouth," Spike groaned, trying to warn Buffy of his impending release - but what happened next shocked the hell out of him,. Buffy let his cock pop out of her mouth for just a moment.

"That's the whole point," she said suggestively. He looked confused at first so she continued. "I want you to cum in my mouth, I want to taste you so bad," she moaned, wrapping her mouth back around his cock again.

Spike's brain almost short circuited at her words. His Buffy, his sweet and sometimes seductive Buffy, had just asked him to cum in her mouth. The thought alone almost finished him off. Spike felt his orgasm nearing as Buffy quickened her pace and sucked harder, taking him in deep. God, she wanted to taste him.

"Holy fuck, Buffy!" he yelled as she took him in even deeper than before. Shooting his hot seed into her welcoming mouth, Spike glanced down, watching as she swallowed it down willingly, loving the taste of him, licking and lapping at his now softening member.

She crawled up his body, proud of herself and in an extremely naughty mood. There was one stray bit of cum that was now dripping down to her chin, and Spike watched under hooded eyes as she wiped it up with her finger and brought it to her mouth to lick it up.

"Mmm yummy," she whispered, kissing his lips softly. "Spike taste." He couldn't believe his eyes, his ears; she was intoxicating, so sensual and sexy and he felt like his whole body was on fire for her. He had to have her.

Flipping them over so she was now lying on her back under him he kissed her feverishly, moving down her body to take one perk nipple into his mouth, sucking and nipping at it skillfully before moving to the other.

Buffy was moaning under him, lifting her hips as she desperately sought some friction to help ease the ache between her legs. Kissing his way down her body, he stopped at her heat, admiring her glistening lips, parting them with his fingers.

He felt her shudder beneath him as his fingers lightly brushed across her clit and he smiled to himself before bending down to take it into his mouth. He sucked and nipped at her delicate flesh and slipped two long fingers into her welcoming heat, watching her toss her head back and forth in pleasure.

Buffy never knew it could feel like this. Angel had only gone down on her once and it had been awkward and unpleasurable; but Spike's skillful tongue was doing things to her body she never knew were possible.

"Oh god, so good, never knew it could be so good," she moaned. Spike smiled into her mound, pleased with her response to him.

Spike could feel that her orgasm was close. Slipping a third finger into her, he pumped into her forcefully, feeling himself getting hard again at the sight of her laying naked, legs spread and his fingers disappearing and reappearing in and out of her quim.

He sucked and licked at her heat like a man dying of thirst. Buffy bucked her hips wildly as her walls clamped down around his invading fingers. Arching her back, she screamed in release.

"SPIKE!!!!!" Her orgasm washed over her in waves and she had never felt anything like it. She'd never cum so hard in her entire life. She looked up at him with hazy eyes and watched as he slipped his fingers from her, bringing them to his mouth and licking them clean. Saying nothing, he crawled back up her body.

Buffy could feel his hardened length rubbing against her wet heat, coating his cock in her juices. Lifting her hips in a silent welcome, she moaned when his cock slipped between her wet lips and rubbed against her clit. Spike teased her with a few strokes to her clit before positioning himself at her entrance and slowly sliding in.

They groaned at the feel of each other; he was so big and Buffy could feel him stretching and filling every inch of her. She was so full. Having Spike inside her felt like coming home. She was complete and whole when he was with her.

Spike felt like he was on fire. Buffy was so wet for him and as hot as hell. She was still so tight, as tight as she had been on their first time together. Spike felt his eyes roll back at the sensation.

"Oh God, Spike!" Buffy gasped as Spike pulled out and slammed into her quickly, starting to thrust into her at a steady pace.

"Buffy, so good," Spike panted, sliding his arm down her body and cupping her bottom. "Still so tight," he moaned, sliding his hand to her thigh and lifting her leg out to the side. She felt him slide in deeper and couldn't stop herself as she arched her back and let out a moan. He was moving in and out of her at an agonizingly slow pace; she needed more, had to have more.

"Please Spike, faster… harder," she begged raking her nails down his back and gasping as his thrusting became faster, harder just as she had asked.

"Oh god! Feels so good…Don't stop." Buffy could feel her orgasm nearing and raised her hips, meeting Spike thrust for thrust.

She was so close. His voice was hot against her skin, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. The feel of him pounding into her heat, slipping in and out of her, sent her walls fluttering.

Feeling her beneath him, clenching around him, Spike quickened his pace, growling when her hands cupped his bottom and pulled him in deeper, harder, and faster. She was spiraling completely out of control. Buffy felt herself let go, her walls squeezing his cock like a vice grip as she wailed in release. Spike was panting, letting out a groan as she scraped her nails down his back, his hips thrusting hard and fast against hers.

"SPIKE!" she cried out. He thrust into her a few more times before he found his own release, groaning as he spilled his seed into her welcoming body.

"Buffy," Spike moaned, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses along her neck and collar bone as he came down from his high. Unsure of what to do or say he slipped from her heat, moving to lay behind her. Pulling the blanket up to cover them, he wrapped his arms around her. He decided they could deal with the aftermath tomorrow and, sighing happily, they both quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.


	15. Only ever you

i_Chapter 15_/i

i_Only ever you_/i

Buffy woke with the morning sun streaming in on her face. She sighed contentedly, stretching and then rolling over to cuddle into Spike. Reaching for him, she only found air. Eyes popping open, she shot up in bed, grasping the sheet to her naked chest. She couldn't believe it; she was alone. Jumping out of bed, she grabbed the first piece of clothing she could find and slipped it over her naked form.

She felt panic and dread flow through her, bi'_**No'!**_/i/b her mind screamed at her. She couldn't do this, not again. Moving to the bathroom she gathered up her clothes and returned to the bedroom. That's when she saw him walking into the room. Placing her clothes on the bed she took a much needed deep breath, trying to calm herself as she turned to face him.

He smiled, obviously nervous as he moved towards her, and she swallowed hard at the sight of him wearing only a pair of black satin boxes. Passing her a cup of coffee he placed his on the bed side table before looking back up at her.

"We should talk," he said calmly, but those three words sent alarm bells off in her head. Almost dropping her coffee as she placed it down, she quickly grabbed her clothes again.

"I have to go," she said, practically running for the bedroom door. Grasping her arm to stop her from leaving, he begged.

"Buffy wait… you can't run from this; we have to talk about it."

"No, we really don't," she replied, turning to leave.

"So that's it?" he spat, and she turned to face him again. "You're just going to run out the door? Pretend this never happened? And then what? We avoid each other for a while, stop hanging out, you can jump on a plane and leave town again? Cause you know that always works out so well," he almost yelled, enraged that she was just going to walk out of his life again.

"What did you expect Spike? I can't do this; be here every day knowing what we've done together, how good we are together, what we could have had if only you could…" She sighed, stopping herself as tears formed in her eyes.

"If I could what?" he asked, stunned by her outburst. Did that all mean she wanted to be with him? That maybe she really loved him too? He couldn't let her leave; he wouldn't, not this time.

"It doesn't matter, it's just a mistake," she whispered, turning to leave again.

"Don't you dare say that," he started, but this time she didn't stop. She was really going to run from him. bi_**Not this bloody time!**_/i/b his mind yelled.

"Buffy, please, stop," he begged; but still she kept moving. He knew he could get hurt, that she may laugh but it didn't matter. He had to tell her the truth. Even if it meant more pain for him, at least he would know he did everything he could.

"I love you," he yelled at her retreating form. She stopped, stunned, and turned to face him, sighing. Spike felt his heart break at the sad look on her face, almost like she was about to let him down gently.

"And I love you Spike. But it's not enough… I know you will only ever love me as your best friend but I need more. I want it all," she whispered sadly. But when Spike started laughing softly she felt rage boil in her. bi"_**How dare he!!!!"**_/i/b her mind screamed. bi_**"After what we just did together."**_/i/b He saw her face turn red with rage and knew she was taking his laughter the wrong way. Quickly, he spoke.

"Luv, it's not what you think. Yes I love you as my best friend but it's more than that. It has been for a very long time, but I never thought you could…. After what I put you through…. Buffy I'm in love with you, all of you. And more than anything I want to be with you and only you… forever," he said. She felt the inner rage quickly fade as her heart rate picked up.

"Very long time? How long?" she asked, stunned.

"Pretty much since that night you walked out four years ago. Honestly, probably even longer, but I was just too scared to face it." This time Buffy started to laugh.

"Oh god! Years, four years…. I was so stupid, I ruined everything because I was so scared… I've wasted four year." She moaned like she was in pain, and Spike knew immediately what she was upset about and moved, wrapping his arms around her.

"We were both stupid luv. If we had just been honest with each other… but that's in the past now, it doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is that we are here now, together… that is, if you'll have me?" he asked, looking at her hopefully. She smiled and kissed him passionately as they stumbled back onto the bed together.

"I love you so much Spike, I've only ever loved you," she confessed, feeling free finally.

"God, Buffy, I love you so bloody much," he groaned out, kissing her again and rolling them so she was now lying under him. He had to have her, needed to be inside her again, and he knew she felt it too.

"Spike, make love to me," she whispered. He groaned in response as he kissed her again. Within minutes their clothes were gone and they were lying naked. Taking no time for foreplay he slid into her heat; this was not like the night before.

No, last night they had gone slow, explored each other. But now, in this moment, they simply needed to be close to each other, to know they were together, forever, and nothing and no one would keep them apart.

Buffy moaned at the feel of him slipping in and out of her body, loving having him inside her. It felt so right, so perfect, like they were made for each other and each other alone.

"Oh god Spike," she moaned in his ear, feeling that familiar burn start to build in the pit of her tummy. Running her nails slowly down his back she started to slowly meet him thrust for thrust.

"Oh Buffy, so good, always so bloody good," he moaned in pleasure. She was so perfect, so tight and he loved being with her, in her and now she was his, He couldn't believe it; he was sure she would laugh at him when he had confessed that he was in love with her but no, she loved him to, wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

She was his, only his. He needed to make it official, needed to show her he only wanted her forever and he knew just how to show it. He could feel his climax nearing as he leaned his forehead against hers and looked at her. She had her eyes closed but he needed to see them while she came.

"Open your eyes luv," he whispered. Looking into her now open globes he smiled. "Want to be looking you in the eyes while you cum," he whispered huskily, sending a bold of sparks straight down her body and to her clit.

"You're mine Buffy, only mine… say it, tell me you're mine," he almost begged her.

"Yes I'm yours Spike, only yours, and you're mine."

"Oh god, yes; only yours," he groaned when he felt her spiral out of control, inner walls clamping around him as she moaned his name in release. Her climax sent him quickly into his own.

"Oh god Buffy, love you, love you so bloody much," he groaned in his release.

"I love you too," she smiled. Slipping from her, he rolled to his side. Pulling the blanket up over them, he watched her smile shyly.

"What now?" she asked.

"What do you mean pet?"

"Well, what happens now? Are we dating or not? What does it all mean?" He knew what she needed. Saying he loved her wasn't enough; not after everything they had gone through together. No, she needed more; and truth was, so did he. Smiling, he stood from the bed, slipping on his boxer shorts and moving over to his dresser to grab something out of the top drawer. Turning to face her, he saw she was now sitting up and leaning against the head board, sheet wrapped around her small frame as she watched him curiously.

Walking back to her he knelt by the bed, praying her wasn't making a mistake and that she wouldn't laugh or run from him. Checking out the dark blue velvet box in his hand, Buffy gasped in shock.

"It was my mom's. Dad gave it to me when I turned eighteen. Said mom wanted me to have it for when I meet the girl of my dreams; and Buffy, I have. This may seem sudden, but we've known each other almost our entire lives and the last four years without you where torture for me. I never want to be apart from you again," he explained, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"I love you more than anything or anyone else in this world. You're it for me Buffy; I don't need or want anyone else but you…. What I'm trying to say is… Buffy will you marry me?" he watched the conflict on her face, thinking for sure he had scared her off, and desperately needing to fix it.

"I don't expect you to marry me tomorrow or even next month… I mean I'll wait till your ready; a year, two years, God, even five years if you'll just say you'll be mine," he babbled. She couldn't help but smile; she could see the fear in his eyes and knew what he was thinking, but it couldn't be more wrong. He had simply shocked her.

"Spike I love you… of course I'll marry you," he smiled brightly, placing the ring on her finger and jumping onto the bed with her, hugging and kissing her like a crazy man before finally pulling back.

"I mean it luv. I'll wait. Whenever you're ready, I will be too."

"I don't want to wait," she replied, shaking her head. "Let's start planning now."

"Really?" he beamed.

"Spike, I love you and I only want you, always have. There is no one else for me and I don't want there to be… let's get married." He started kissing her again; tackling her to the bed they started laughing happily. He couldn't believe it; she had said yes.

Life was finally perfect.


	16. Forever

i_Chapter 16_/i

i_Forever_/i

b**5 Years later**/b

It had been five years since the day Spike had proposed to Buffy. They had married a year later on a beautiful hill top overlooking the water. Giles had given her away; and surrounded by friends and family, they had eagerly said "I do."

Since then, Buffy had given birth to a little girl whom they had called Dawn Joyce Giles. She was now three years old. Buffy was still running the art gallery and it was thriving. Spike still worked at the university as a professor, and was now starting to write his first book of poetry. .Buffy was so proud of him.

Willow and Xander had married three years before .Willow was now pregnant with their first baby boy whom they planned to call Jessie, Willow still worked as a computer science teacher and Xander's construction business was the most popular in town.

Faith and Riley were still happily married but now they had two kids- a four year old son named Robin and a one year old daughter called Jasmine. Faith had gone to university to get a degree in art so she could help out more at the gallery; and Riley was still working at the school.

Giles still owned the Magic Box but now shared ownership with Anya. They had started dating three years before, after much persistence on Anya's part. Giles proposed six months ago and Anya eagerly accepted – they were to be married in two months.

All in all, life was pretty great.

Buffy smiled happily as she entered her house, placing the keys on the table. She headed for the kitchen, eager to tell Spike the news she had got today. She just hoped he was as happy about it as she was.

"Mommy's home!" she heard Dawn yell as she entered the kitchen.

She picked up the overly excited three year old and hugged her tightly.

"Did you have a fun day at pre-school?" Buffy asked.

"Yep I made you a painting Mommy," Dawn answered with a smile, hopping down and pointing to the painting that was now on the fridge.

"So you did. Wow! Baby that's beautiful," Buffy gished.

Dawn giggled before running off into the lounge room. Buffy smiled when she heard Dawn's favorite cartoon, Power Puff Girls, in the background.

"And how's my husband?" she inquired with a smile, moving around the kitchen island

"Good now that his wife is home," he replied, kissing her passionately.

"Did you take the time to go to the doctors today?" he asked seriously.

Buffy had been feeling 'off' for a few weeks and with her family history of cancer, he had insisted she see the doctor.

"I did," she frowned

"And?" he asked concerned

"He wanted to do a few tests"

"What kind of tests?" he asked fearful, he felt like he was about to swallow his heart but when she laugh softly he relaxed a little

"What's so bloody funny luv?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't tease you. I'm fine… mostly" she smiled

"Mostly? What's that mean?"

"Spike… I'm pregnant:"

His frown quickly turned into a bright smile

"What?" he asked stunned

"He said about twelve weeks. He's booked me in for an ultrasound next week. "

She yelped when he wrapped his arms around her and spun her. He placed kisses all over her face before putting her down.

"We're going to have another baby," he smiled brightly

"I take it you're happy then"

"Are you kidding me? I'm ecstatic, Buffy."

"So am I." she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I love you so bloody much, Buffy."

"I love you too, Spike." she smiled, kissing him deeply.

Coming back to Sunnydale had been the scariest thing she had done. She had lost her mother, but it brought her to where she was meant to be - here with Spike, her friends and her little girl Dawn and soon another baby too.

They had made so many mistakes in the past, wasting time running from their feelings from each other. They had been too scared to face each other, so scared of being hurt; but now none of that mattered. It was behind them in the past where it belonged; and she was here where she belonged. There wasn't any other place in the world she would rather be than here in his arms.

Forever.

The End.


End file.
